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1、托福,作文批改 篇一：托福写作批改点评 第4期-关于教育的话题_托福写作 智课网TOEFL备考资料 托福写作批改点评 第4期:关于教育的话题_托福写作 Topic（题目）: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students could receive a better, more efficient education if they spend 11 months a year studying. Target text（文章正文）: Do you agree or disagree with the follow
2、ing statement? Students could receive a better, more efficient education if they spend 11 months a year studying. I disagree with the statement that students can obtain a better and more efficient education if they are provided with less vacation and more time concentrating on school work. Some peop
3、le may argue that more leisure time means more escape from the academic work, and students wil lforget what they learnt in school, however, I think that with more breaks,students can benefit more from the vacation rather than on campus studying. The summer and winter vacation, each lasting one month
4、, can provide students opportunities to relax themselves, and to relieve themselves from mountainous assignments in school. With the breaks,they can enjoy learning things in a more informal but impressive way. For example, they will have enough time to travel to another country and get to know diffe
5、rent cultures and customs. The abroad experience can help to expand the outlook of students and it is in fact another way of learning things, and such personal experience is definitely more efficient and more impressive than learning indirectly from teachers and books. Besides, students can become m
6、ore independent and social given the traveling experience, and all these qualities are important in their future lifes but can be hardly cultivated in the academic education. Some people may argue that efficient academic education may be negatively influenced because of the two-month school break, h
7、owever, social and extracurricular activities are equally necessary to students, so it would be a good chance for them to step out of their campus, the so called ivory tower , and get involved into the real society. In some way, they can learn more and benefit a lot in the real world. In addition, w
8、hen it comes to the academic education, more vacation does not mean a less efficient education, either. As we all know, schools usually implement the summer and winter vacation policy, which is commonly during the hottest and coldest seasons. Students will get exhausted and distracted easily because
9、 of the bad temperature, let alone the more and more frequently occurred natural disasters during summer and winter such as the tornados,floods, storms, etc. I can easily recall several flood disasters in my city during my summer breaks. During those moments, would not it be rather safer and more re
10、asonable to stay at home? Anyway, the quality of education is based on a safe and comfortable learning environment. In conclusion, I believe that students can enjoy different but same valuable experience during school breaks, and the longer break during the bad seasons can also ensure their safety i
11、n severe natural environment. Feedback and Review（点评及修改） 优点： 总的来说，这篇文章的整体语言及论证内容还是不错的。 缺点及改进建议： 1、尝试用反面观点来进行论证。 2、写文章前先制定写作大纲。 3、写作是需要注意使用的论证方式，写好之后要回看修改。 4、注意论据和论点之间的关系要紧密。 5、论证方式要多样化。 6、注意论据要多用细节。看是否有更多的论据来支撑观点。篇二：托福独立写作文章批改点评 智课网TOEFL备考资料 托福独立写作文章批改点评 摘要： 中国考生从小写作文就会批改，但是那是中文写作，对于托福英文写作我们该怎么办呢，今天
12、小编就总结整理托福独立写作文章批改点评的相关知识，大家可以一起来看下。 托福 写作备考时多看看别的考生写的真题作文是非常有帮助的，能够为自己查漏补缺，今天我们就邀请到了 小马 托福写作 名师为大家现场批改一篇托福作文，希望对大家有所帮助。 今天我们来看一篇完整作文中的微观语言和逻辑问题。以这篇作文为例。作文的写作者是一个国际高中高三的学生，语法属于中等水平，词汇量也并不算大。 老师的完整点评如下： With the economy growing, people have more choices about the types of transportation(more choices o
13、n what types of transportation they can take). Therefore,in my opinion, the public transprotation should be giben prefereutial financing.with the support of the significant finacing, the taking the piblic transportation will become more convinece than the highways. With the support of the significan
14、t finacing, the public transportation will be making the citilizen more confortable than the highways. With the support of the significant finacing, the public transportation will become more faster than the highway. 首段写的挺好，但是略显啰嗦。 建议 1. With the support of the significant finacing出现一次就可以了，后面直接罗列三个理
15、由。 2. 所有符号都是后面打一个空格，前面直接跟在最后一个词的后面。 3. 文章首段建议不要出现像therefore这样的词。因为容易引起逻辑的混乱。 With the help of the money,(这样说不好。With a sufficient fund,) the (construction of)public transportation will spend less time than the highway. From my exprience, taking a subway from my office to my home will cost my about 30
16、 minutes. However, i drive my car taking the highway which go through the downtown will cost me about 1 hour. Sometimes i have to faced with the bad traffic when i have to choice the highway. Nevertheless, taking the subway that i do not need to worry about the bad traffic or some other problem happened in the highway. That's (that is the reason why)why i think devote the
