英语幽默

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1、 1(一) Does the dog know the proverb, too? The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog. “Its all right,“ said a gentleman, “dont be afraid. Dont you know the proverb: Barking dogs dont bite?“ “Ah, yes,“ answered the little boy. “I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?“

2、 狗也知道这个谚语吗? 一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。 “没有关系, ”一位先生说, “不用害怕,你知道这条谚语吗: 吠狗不咬人。 ” “啊,我是知道,可是狗也知道吗?” (二) Only cash and credit cards When a man called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depend on room size and number of people. “ Do you take children?“ the man as

3、ked. “No, sir,“ replied the clerk. “Only cash and credit cards.“ 只算现金和信用卡 一个人打电话给一家汽车旅馆询问房租,旅馆的工作人员回答说 房租的多少取决于房间的大小和住客的人数。 “小孩儿算不算呢?”那人问道。 “不算,先生。 ”服务员回答, “我们只算现金和信用卡。 ” (三) A Smart Housewife. A smart housewife was told that there was a kind of stove which would only consume half of the coal she wa

4、s burning. She was very excited, and said: “Thatll be terrific! Since one stove can save half of the coal, if I buy two, no coal will be needed!“ 精明的家庭主妇 一位精明的家庭主妇听人说有一种炉子用起来可以比她现在用的炉子省一半的煤。她听 了大为兴奋,说: “那太好了!一个炉子可以省一半的煤,那么如果我买两个炉子的话,不就 可以把煤全都省下来了吗?” 2(四) The mean mans party. The notorious cheap skat

5、e finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, “Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot.“ “Why use my elbow and foot?“ “Well, gosh,“ was the reply, “Youre not coming empty-hangded, are you?“ 吝啬鬼请客 一个出

6、了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说: “你上到五楼,找中间那个门,然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后,再用你的脚把门推 开。 ” “为什么要用我的肘和脚呢?” “你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪,你总不会空着手来吧?”吝啬鬼回答。 (五) But the teacher cried The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anythi

7、ng, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmothers loving arms. When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. “Was school all right?“ she asked, “Did you get along all right? did you cry?“ “Cry?“ John asked. “No

8、, I didnt cry, but the teacher did!“ 可是老师哭了 六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点,可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸 步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭,就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。 约翰放学了,他奶奶在门口接他并问道: “学校怎么样?你过的好吗?哭了没有?” “哭?”约翰问, “不,我没哭,可老师哭了。 ” (六) -约会 When the young waitress in the caf in Toms building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for sh

9、e was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, “Are you single?“ “Why, yes,“ Tom replied, smiling at her broadly. “So is my mom,“ she said. “Would you like to meet her?“ 约会 3在汤姆工作的大楼里有一个咖啡屋,那儿总有一位小姐每天都和他打招呼。汤姆有些受 宠若惊,因为这位小姐看上去

10、至少比他年轻 15 岁。一天她又对汤姆招手并示意汤姆过去。于 是汤姆走了过去。她问道, “您现在是单身吗?” “对,是单身, ”汤姆满脸堆笑的说。 “我 母亲也是, ”她说, “您愿不愿意见见她?” (七) Where is the father? Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings. “Look,“ said the elder brother. “How nice these paintings are!“ “Yes,“ said the younger, “but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?“ The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, “Obviously he was painting the pictures.“ 父亲在哪儿? 兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。 “看, ”哥哥说, “这些画多漂亮呀! ” “是啊, ”弟弟说道, “可是在所有这些画中,只有妈妈和孩子。 那爸爸去哪儿了呢?” 哥哥想了会儿,然后解释道: “很明显,他当时正在画这些画呗。 ”

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