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1、幽默演讲调侃自己（中英对照） 2007-08-23 15:34:00 本文已公布到博客频道校园教育分类 如果你想学习英语，如果你喜欢幽默，喜欢演讲，可以时不时光顾一下如果你想学习英语，如果你喜欢幽默，喜欢演讲，可以时不时光顾一下 我的博客，抽空我请你吃冰激凌。（欢迎光临我的网站我的博客，抽空我请你吃冰激凌。（欢迎光临我的网站 ）演讲者如何调侃自己演讲者如何调侃自己作为一个演讲者，我从观众那只得到过两种抱怨：一种是我讲话声音太 大了，他们无法入睡；第二种是我讲得时间太长了，他们无法一直清醒。As a speaker, Ive only had two complaints from audien
2、ces. One, that I talk so loud they cant fall asleep. And two, that I talk so long they cant stay awake.创新句子：你们或者睡觉，或者不睡，只要不打呼噜，我就接着讲。作为一个讲演者，他的演讲总拿来和林肯的哥得堡演讲一个著名的演讲相 比较。当他演讲结束时，也有悲伤、眼泪和悲痛特别是计划委员会。As a speaker, he has often been compared to Abraham Lincoln delivering the Gettysburg Address. When he f
3、inishes his speech, there is also sorrow, tears and mourning - especially by the program committee.幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来你泰然自 若，优雅地点头微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐 后喝点咖啡。Poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule
4、 to be a part of their program - and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他 还假装很忙，好象推开了很多事才赶去似的。过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所 有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助。此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是 裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，但眼睛有些疲劳。I use
5、d to get nervous when giving a speech but then I read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked. And so, at this very moment, Im standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked. And it really works. I no suffer from nervousness. Eyestrain. Yes.幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思
6、是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我 非常紧张。我本人不自负我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。Personally, I have never been conceited - and I cant tell you how much I admire myself for that.幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲。创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我。我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。Let me put this into plain English. Ill translate it for
7、 the lawyers later.幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版 本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。If youve already heard this story, please dont stop me because its the only one I know.幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说。创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样 照顾你们。演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去
8、你就满意了。Making a speech is like watering a lawn. Youre satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in.幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就 不错了。演讲开始时我们有一些共同点，你们不知道我要讲什么我也不知道。At the very start, let me just say that we both have something in common. You dont know what Im going to say - and neither do I.幽默句子：即兴演讲的
9、开场白。创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什 么。开始前我想告诉你们下面的演讲已经编辑成了电视节目，我现在少讲 20 分钟，我们能够及时赶回家看 2 台的节目。Before I begin, I want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television. I cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2.幽默注释：放着现场不看，偏要回家在电视上看。可能你们有些
10、人知道我今晚出现在这里有两个原因：第一个原因是你们 的计划委员会一直在设法寻找一个聪明、有趣、老练的演讲者，他 们找到了。第二个原因是那个人病了，所以就打电话把我找来了。As some of you may know, Im appearing here tonight for two very good reasons. The first reason is your Program Committee was trying to find a speaker whos intelligent, entertaining, sophisticated - and they did. The
11、 second reason is, he got sick so they called me.幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。创新句子：我认为我演讲很风趣，可为什么没人笑呢？有人有舞台恐惧症，我没有；舞台不会怎么样我，是观众快把我吓死了！Some people suffer from stage fright. I dont. The stage doesnt bother me at all. Its the audience that scares the hell out of me!幽默注释：stage fright 舞台恐惧症，而不是舞台吓唬我。我们每个人都
12、希望能在某一时刻把时钟拨回去。如果我能够把时钟拨回 去 45 分钟，我就是这间房间里最幸福的人，我把演讲稿落在厨房桌子上 了。At one time or another, I think each of us has wished we could turn back the clock. I know if I could turn back the clock just 45 minutes, Id be the happiest person in this room. Because thats when I left my speech on the kitchen table.幽
13、默注释：自己上台前还在刻苦练习，演讲稿落家里了，讲错了希望观 众包涵。我不想吹牛，但上次我演讲时所有的观众都站了起来，他们再也没有坐 下，直到走到他们的汽车那儿。I dont want to brag, but the last time I did this it brought the audience to its feet. And they never sat down again until they reached their cars.幽默注释：观众听他演讲，都站起来走了，他还在吹牛呢。创新句子：我演讲时用一种平缓的语速娓娓道来，观众睡得很香甜。如果我有点儿犹豫，你们一定要原谅
14、我，这是我第一次饭后演讲在 卖当劳里冲我的小孩儿喊叫除外。If Im a little hesitant, youll have to excuse me. This is the first after-dinner speech Ive ever made -except for yelling at my kids in McDonalds.幽默注释：自嘲自己演讲没什么经验。创新句子：你可能知道我已经养成了饭后演讲的习惯。我不习惯面对这么多观众演讲，让我鼓起勇气的一件事情就是我在谈论 我最喜欢的题目我。Im not used to speaking to such a large aud
15、ience. The one thing that gives me courage is that Im speaking on my favorite subject - me.幽默注释：电视上老是邀请一些名人在那儿大谈自己，这些人开场可以 这么说。人们总问我为什么我戴顶 10 加仑的红色帽子（或者一些其它非常显眼的 衣服饰品），我告诉他们那是我采取的积极现实的生活态度。我知道不 管发生什么事情，善良的上帝总在注视着我们。现在地球上有 60 亿人， 我希望上帝能从芸芸众生中一眼就挑出我来。People always ask me why I wear a big red ten gallo
16、n hat (or some other very noticeable article of clothing) and I tell them. It has to do with taking a positive but practical view of life. For instance, I know that no matter what happens, the good Lord is watching over us. Then again, there are now six billion of us, so I want to make darn sure He can pick me out of the crowd.幽默注释：多么新颖的创意，戴顶绿帽子就想引起上帝注意。创新句子：别再说谎了，趁上帝还没注意你。如果你们允许我准备读我的讲稿，
