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1、Unit 2 WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR MEN AND WOMEN TO TALK男女交谈为何如此困难 I was addressing a small gathering in a suburban Virginia living room - a womens group that had invited men to join them. Throughout the evening, one man had been particularly talkative, frequently offering ideas and anecdotes,while his wi
2、fe sat silently beside him on the couch. Toward to end of the evening, I commented that women frequently complain that their husbands do not talk to them. This man quickly concurred. He gestured toward his wife and said, She is the talker in our family. The room burst into laughter; the man looked p
3、uzzled and hurt. It is true, he explained. When I come home from work I have nothing to say. If she did not keep the conversation going, we would spend the whole evening in silence. 那是在弗吉尼亚郊区一个住所的客厅里，我正在一次小型聚会上发言这是一次女性的聚会，但也邀请了男性参加。整晚，一位男士表现得极为健谈，他不断地发表自己的看法，讲述奇闻轶事。而他的妻子却安静地坐在他身旁的沙发上。聚会接近尾声时，我说，一些妻子
4、经常抱怨丈夫不与她们交谈，这位男士立刻表示同意。他指着妻子说：“在家里爱说话的是她。”于是满屋子哄堂大笑，这位男士一脸茫然和委屈。“这是真的，”他解释说，“我下班回家后总是无话可说，如果她不说话，我们会整晚沉默。” This episode crystallizes the irony that although American men tend to talk more than women in public situations, they often talk less at home. And this pattern is wreaking havoc with marriage
5、. 这段小插曲反映了一种具有讽刺意味的现象，即美国的男性尽管在公共场合比女性健谈，在家里却比女性说话少。而正是这一现象使婚姻受到严重威胁。 Sociologist Catherine Kohier Riessman, who reported in her new book Divorce Talk that most of the women she interviewed - but only a few of the men - give the lack of communication as the reason for their divorces. 社会学家凯瑟琳凯尔里兹曼在她的
6、新作离婚谈中说，她采访过的大多数女性将离婚的原因归咎于缺乏交谈，但只有少数男性将此当作离婚的理由。 In my own research, complaints from women about their husbands most often focused not on tangible inequities such as having give up the chance for a career to accompany a husband to his, or doing far more than their share of daily life. Instead, they
7、 focused on communication:He does not listen to me, He does not talk to me. I found that most wives want their husbands to be, first and foremost, conversational partners, but few husbands share this expectation of their wives. 在我本人的研究中，女性对丈夫的抱怨大多不是集中在一些实际的不平等现象，例如为了跟随丈夫的事业而放弃了发展自己事业的机会，或者她们所承担的日常生活
8、琐事远远超过她们份内的部分。她们的抱怨总是集中在交流问题上，如“他不听我说话”，“他不和我说话”。我发现多数做妻子的都期望丈夫首先是自己的交谈伙伴。但是很少有丈夫对妻子抱有同样的期望。 In short, the image that represents the current crisis is the stereotypical cartoon scene of a man sitting at the breakfast table with a newspaper held up in front of his face, while a woman glares at the ba
9、ck of it, wanting to talk. 简言之，最能体现目前这种危机的是一个老套的卡通画面：一个男人坐在早餐桌旁，手中拿着一张报纸看着，而他的妻子愤怒地盯着报纸背面，渴望与他交谈。Linguistic Battle Between Men and Women两性间的唇枪舌剑 How can women and men have such different impressions of communication in marriage? Why is there a widespread imbalance in their interests and expectations
10、? 在婚姻中的交流问题上，为何男女会持有如此不同的观点?为什么男女的兴趣和期望普遍不一致? In the April 1990 issue of American Psychologist, Stanford Universitys Eleanor Maccoby reports the results of her own and others research showing that childrens development is most influenced by the social structure of peer interaction. Boys and girls te
11、nd to play with children of their own gender, and their sex-separate groups have different organizational structures and interactive norms. 斯坦福大学的埃莉诺麦科比在1990年4月美国心理学家刊物上发表了她自己和他人研究的结果。研究结果表明，儿童的发展主要受同龄伙伴交往过程中社交结构的影响。无论男孩女孩都喜欢与同性伙伴玩耍。不同性别的儿童小群体有不同的组织结构和交际准则。 I believe that systematic differences in c
12、hildhood socialization make talk between women and men like cross-cultural communication. My research on mens and womens conversations uncovered patterns similar to those described for childrens groups. 我相信，儿童时代社交过程中的不同规则，导致了两性间的交谈如同跨文化交流一样难。我本人通过对男女对话的研究发现，成年男女对话的模式类似于儿童群体交流过程中的模式。 For women, as fo
13、r girls, intimacy is the fabric of the relationships, and talk is the thread from which is woven. Little girls create and maintain friendships by exchanging secrets; similarly, women regard conversation as the cornerstone of friendship. So a woman expects her husband to be a new and improved version
14、 of a best friend. What is important is not the individual subjects that are discussed but the sense of closeness, of a life shared, that emerges when people tell their thoughts, feelings, and impressions. 成年女性同女孩一样，彼此亲密是她们感情关系的纽带。而交谈是编织这种纽带的线。小女孩通过相互交换秘密来建立和维持友谊。同样，成年女性也把交谈看作友谊的基础。因此，女性期望丈夫成为自己新的、更
15、好的知心朋友。对她们来说重要的不是某个具体的讨论话题，而是在说出自己的想法、感受和印象时所表现出来的那种亲密的、分享生活的感觉。 Bonds between boys can be as intense as girls, but they are based less on taking more on doing things together. Since they do not assume talk is the cement that binds a relationship, men do not know what kind of talk women want, and th
16、ey do not miss it when it is not there. 男孩间的关系和女孩一样紧密。但男孩间的关系与其说建立在交谈基础上，不如说建立在共同动手基础上。既然他们不认为交谈能够巩固感情关系，他们不知道女人需要何种交谈，也不会因为没有交谈而感到遗憾。 Boys groups are larger, more inclusive, and more hierarchical, so boys must struggle to avoid the subordinate position in the group. This may play a role in womens complaints on men do not listen to them. 男孩的群体比女孩的要大，所包括的人更广泛，也更具有等级特色。因此，男孩们势必要努力争取不在群体中处于从属地位。这也许是为什么女人抱怨男人不听她们说话的根源之一。 Often wh
