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1、The One With Mrs. BingWritten by: Alexa JungeTranscribed by: guineapigScene: A Street: Monica and Phoebe are walking to a newsstand.Phoebe: Do you think they have yesterdays daily news?Monica: Why?Phoebe: Just wanna check my horoscope, see if it was right.Monica: Oh my God. (Grabs Phoebe and turns h
2、er away) Phoebe. Dont look now, but behind us is a guy who has the potential to break our hearts and plunge us into a pit of depression. Phoebe: Where? (Turns to face him) Ooh, come to Momma.Monica: Hes coming. Be cool, be cool, be cool.(The guy walks past them)Guy: Nice hat.Monica and Phoebe: (in u
3、nison) Thanks.(The guy walks on)Phoebe: We should do something. Whistle.Monica: We are not going to whistle.Phoebe: Come on, do it.Monica: No!Phoebe: Do it!Monica: No!Phoebe: Do it do it do it!Monica: (Shouts to the guy) Woo-woo!(The guy turns round, startled. Monica points to Phoebe. The guy gets h
4、it by a truck)Phoebe: I cant believe you did that!Opening CreditsScene: Hospital, the guy is in a coma and Mon and Pheebs are visiting.Monica: Why did I woo-hoo? I mean, what was I hoping would happen? That-that hed turn round and say I love that sound, I must have you now?Phoebe: I just wish there
5、was something we could do. (Bends down and talks to him) Hello. Hello, Coma Guy. GET UP, YOU GIRL SCOUT! UP! UP! UP!Monica: Phoebe, what are you doing?Phoebe: Maybe nobodys tried this.Monica: I wish we at least knew his name. Look at that face. I mean, even sleeping, he looks smart. I bet hes a lawy
6、er.Phoebe: Yeah, but did you see the dents in his knuckles? That means hes artistic.Monica: Okay, hes a lawyer, who teaches sculpting on the side. And- he can dance!Phoebe: Oh! And, hes the kinda guy who, when youre talking, hes listening, yknow, and not saying Yeah, I understand but really wonderin
7、g what you look like naked.Monica: I wish all guys could be like him.Phoebe: I know.Scene: Monica and Rachels, Monica and Phoebe are telling everyone about their coma guy.Chandler: Are there no conscious men in the city for you two?Monica: He doesnt have anyone.Phoebe: Yeah, we-we feel kinda respons
8、ible.Joey: I cant believe you said woowoo. I dont even say woowoo.Rachel: Oh, shes coming up! Shes coming up! (Turns on the TV)Jay Leno: (on TV) Folks, when we come back well be talking about her new book, Euphoria Unbound: the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. You might wanna put the kids to bed
9、for this one.(Everyone has settled down to watch, except Chandler)Chandler: Yknow, we dont have to watch this. Weekend At Bernies is on Showtime, HBO, and Cinemax.Rachel: No way, forget it.Joey: Cmon, shes your mom!Chandler: Exactly. Weekend At Bernies! Dead guy getting hit in the groin twenty, thir
10、ty times! No?Rachel: Chandler, I gotta tell you, I love your moms books! I love her books! I cannot get on a plane without one! I mean, this is so cool!Chandler: Yeah, well, you wouldnt think it was cool if youre eleven years old and all your friends are passing around page 79 of Mistress Bitch.Ross
11、: Cmon, Chandler, I love your mom. I think shes a blast.Chandler: You can say that because shes not your mom.Ross: Oh, please.(Rachel opens the door to Paolo)Paolo: Bona sera.Rachel: Oh, hi sweetie. (They kiss)Ross: When did Rigatoni get back from Rome?Monica: Last night.Ross: Ah, so then his plane
12、didnt explode in a big ball of fire?. Just a dream I had- but, phew.Phoebe: Hey hey hey! Shes on!Paolo: Ah! Nora Bing!Jay Leno: (on TV) .Now what is this about you-you being arrested i-in London? What is that all about?Phoebe: Your mom was arrested?Chandler: Shhh, busy beaming with pride.Mrs. Bing:
13、(on TV) .This is kind of embarrassing, but occasionally after Ive been intimate with a man.Chandler: Now why would she say thats embarrassing?All: Shhh.Mrs. Bing: (on TV) .I just get this craving for Kung Pow Chicken.Chandler: THATS TOO MUCH INFORMATION!Jay Leno: (on TV) Alright, so now youre doing
14、this whole book tour thing, how is that going?Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh, fine. Im leaving for New York tomorrow, which I hate- but I get to see my son, who I love.All: Awww!Chandler: This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone.Jay Leno: (on TV) Yknow, dont take this wrong, I-I just dont see
15、 you a-as a mom, somehow. I dont mean that, I dont mean that bad.Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh no, I am a fabulous mom! I bought my son his first condoms.(The gang turn to look at Chandler)Chandler: .And then he burst into flames.Scene: The Hospital, its a montage of Monica and Phoebes visit to the hospital with My Guy playing in the background. It starts with Monica reading a newspaper to him.Monica: Lets see. Congress is debating a new deficit reduction bill. the mayor wants to raise subway fares again. the high today was forty-five. and- oh, tea
