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1、 CET4作文辅导：Harmonica for homework在本期四六级考试专栏中，全国四六级考委会的夏国佐教授对读者题为“What electives to choose“的作文进展了讲评和改写。这是2022年12月份四级考试作文题目。根据四级作文评分标准，作文局部总分值15分，这篇文章得8分。假如你盼望自己的文章得到夏教授的点评，请按下面要求写出一篇短文，发到。Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay entitled “What electives to choose“.
2、You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below.1各大学为学生开设了多种多样的选修课 2学生出于各种缘由选择不同的选修课3以我自己为例读者原文What electives to chooseTherere many elective courses for students to choose in universities, ranging from arts to zoologies. As for me, I took a harmonica (口琴) to play in this semest
3、er.I think the additional courses can give me such a special feeling that you cant get from compulsory courses. For example, when I felt dull in learning English, I took up the harmonica playing for a while, and all the uncomfortable feelings went away.One of my roommates chose Japanese as her elect
4、ive course. She told me that Japanese will be useful in the future, which can make her resume looks like more acceptable.Its no denying that elective courses can broaden our horizons. As the saying goes: You cant have the cake and take it.“ We shouldnt ignore the major we are studying while immerse
5、ourselves into the pleasure of elective courses.修改后的文章What electives to chooseTherere many elective courses for students to choose from at my university, ranging from art to zoology. For instance, I took a course on the harmonica this semester.I think the elective courses give me a feeling that I ca
6、nt get from compulsory courses. For example, when Im bored with learning English homework, I take out the harmonica and play for a while, and immediately all my uncomfortable feelings will go away.One of my roommates chose to take Japanese as an elective. She believes the class will prove useful to
7、her career. After all, a second language can make her resume look more attractive. But she is more practical than I am, and Id say that the majority of students choose their electives out of personal interest.Theres no denying that elective courses can broaden our horizon. However, as the saying goe
8、s, “You cant have your cake and eat it, too.“ We shouldnt neglect the major courses we are studying while immersing ourselves in the pleasures we find in elective courses.夏教师的点评这篇作文写得还算可以，根本上可以用英语表达自己的意思，看的人也能根本上悟出想表达的意思。缺点是文章组织得不是很好，看上去没有认真琢磨考试要求，没有预先构思，考试*大而是信手写来。从语言上看，的根本功不够扎实，有些句子构造错误，有些地方用词不够精确
9、，对英语的习语和搭配也把握不准。下面是几点详细的修改意见：1. 考试要求中的三点文章虽然都提到了，但是对其次点“学生出于各种缘由选择不同的选修课“表述不够充分，只提到自己和同寝室一位同学的例子。所以在修改后的文字其次段末尾加了一句“But she is more practical than I am, and Id say that the majority of students choose their electives out of personal interest“ ，这样简洁地概括了选课的两种类型，一种重有用，一种重兴趣，以弥补原文内容上的缺乏。2. 语法构造方面的问题其次段第
10、一句“I think the additional courses can give me such a special feeling that you cant get from compulsory courses“中的“such“应当去掉。这句话中的“that“从句应当是一个定语从句，修饰名词“feeling“ ，不应当是“suchthat“那种句型。其次段其次句中的“I took up the harmonica playing for a while“应改为“I take out the harmonica and play for a while“ 。原句中的“playing f
11、or a while“是一个现在分词构造，只能做状语，修饰“took up“ ，表达的考试*大意思是一面拿一面吹，两个动作同时进展。这明显不是想要表达的意思。固然， “拿出来“应为“take out“ ，而不是“take up“ 。第三段其次句中的“which can make her resume looks like more acceptable“建议改为“A second language can make her resume look more attractive“ 。这里有四个问题。一是“which“引导的非限制性定语从句用得不对， “which“在这里只能指代前面的句子，如是
12、，就讲不通了。实际上这里说的是其次外语“Japanese“ 。所以应另起一句，直接用“A second language“做主语。其次个问题是“make“这个动词的宾语补语假如是不定式，应当用动词原形，不带“to“。第三个问题是“looks like“应改为“look“ ， “look“是一个连系动词，后面直接接形容词做表语， “looks like“后面接名词，例如: “What does you brother look like?“第四个问题是“acceptable“用得不精确，建议改为“attractive“ 4. 第四段第一句“Its no denying that elective
13、 courses can broaden our horizons“应改为“Theres no denying that elective courses can broaden our horizon“ 。 “It“这个代词作先行词应指代后面的名词从句，可是本句中的“that“从句是“deny“的宾语， “It“就没有什么可指代了。明显是把用法记错了。5. 第四段第三句“We shouldnt ignore the major we are studying while immerse ourselves into the pleasure of elective courses“应改为“W
14、e shouldnt neglect the major courses we are studying while immersing ourselves in the pleasures we find in elective courses“ 。这句话的主要问题是“while“后面应当用分词，而不应当是动词原形。其余的问题是语言问题， “ignore“的意思是“不理，无视(pretend not to notice)“, 例如：“He completely ignored her and kept on walking“。 “neglect“的意思是“无视“(fail to give e
15、nough attention to)“, 例如：“What do you think of parents who neglect their children?“第三个问题是“immerseinto“应为 “immersein“ 。3 英语表达和搭配方面的问题第一段其次句中的“I took a harmonica to play in this semester“应改为“I took a course on the harmonica this semester“。原句不能表达选课的意思。其次段其次句中的“when I felt dull in learning English“应改为“when Im bored with learning English“ 。 “Dull“的意思是“boring, not interesting“用在这里不适宜。第四段其次句中的“You cant have the cake and take it“建议改为“You cant have your cake and eat it, too“ 。这是一个谚语，表示“鱼与熊掌不行兼得“ 。估量是读者记错了。要学好英语，写好英语，首先要有扎实的根本功，要坚固地把握英语考试*大的根本语法和句子构造，同时要把握好英语的根本词汇，不但要弄清每个词
