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1、LoveisFallacybyMaxShulmanCoolwasIandlogical.Keen,calculating,perspicacious,acuteandastuteIwasalloftheseMybrainwasaspowerfulasadynamozpreciseasachemistsscales,aspenetratingasascalpel.Andthinkofit!IonlyeighteenItisnotoftenthatonesoyounghassuchagiantintellectTake,forexample,PeteyBellows,myroommateatthe
2、university.Sameage,samebackground,butdumbasanox.Aniceenoughfellow,youunderstanebbutnothingupstairsEmotionaltypeUnstableImpressionable.Worstofall,afaddist.Fads,Isubmit,aretheverynegationofreason.Tobesweptupineverynewcrazethatcomesalong,tosurrenderoneselftoidiocyjustbecauseeverybodyelseisdoingitthis,t
3、ome,istheacmeofmindlessness.Not,however,toPeteyOneafternoonIfoundPeteylyingonhisbedwithanexpressionofsuchdistressonhisfacethatIimmediatelydiagnosedappendidtis.Dontmove/Isaid,*DonttakealaxativeIllgetadoctor.*Raccoon/hemumbledthickly.Raccoon?Isaid,pausinginmyflightIwantaraccooncoat/hewailedIperceivedt
4、hathistroublewasnotphysical,butmentai.”Whydoyouwantaraccooncoat?“Ishouldhaveknownit/hecried,poundinghistemples.TshouldhaveknowntheydcomebackwhentheChariestoncamebackLikeafoolIspentallmymoneyfortextbooks,andnowIcantgetaraccooncoat/Canyoumean/Isaidincredulously,thatpeopleareactuallywearingraccooncoats
5、again?11AlltheBigMenonCampusarewearingthemWhereveyoubeen?Inthelibrary/Isaid,namingaplacenotfrequentedbyBigMenonCampusHeleapedfromthebedandpacedtheroomTvegottohavearaccooncoat,11hesaidpassionately.T9egotto!Tetey,why?LookatitrationallyRaccooncoatsareunsanitaryTheyshedTheysmellbadTheyweightoomuchTheyfr
6、eunsightlyTheyYoudontunderstand/heinterruptedimpatiently.Itsthethingtodo.Dontyouwanttobeintheswim?No,Isaidtruthfully.Well,Ido/hedeclaredTdgiveanythingforaraccooncoatAnything!Mybrain,thatpredsioninstrument,slippedintohighgear.Anything?Iasked,look?ngathimnarrowly.Anything/heaffirmedinringingtones.Istr
7、okedmychinthoughtfullyItsohappenedthatIknewwheretogetmyhandsonaraccooncoat.Myfatherhadhadoneinhisundergraduatedays;itlaynowinatrunkintheatticbackhomeItalsohappenedthatPeteyhadsomethingIwantedHedidnthaveitexactly,butatleasthehadfirstrightsonit.Irefertohisgirl,PollyEspy.IhadlongcovetedPollyEspy.Letmee
8、mphasizethatmydesireforthisyoungwomanwasnotemotionalinnatureShewas,tobesure,agirlwhoexcitedtheemotions,butIwasnotonetoletmyheartrulemyheadIwantedPollyforashrewdlycalculated,entirelycerebralreason.Iwasafreshmaninlawschool.InafewyearsIwouldbeoutinpractice.Iwaswellawareoftheimportanceoftherightkindofwi
9、feinfurtheringalawyerscareer.ThesuccessfullawyersIhadobservedwere,almostwithoutexcept?on,marriedtobeautiful,gracious,intelligentwomen.Withoneomission,PollyfittedthesespecificationsperfectlyBeautifulshewas.Shewasnotyetofpin-upproportions,butIfeltthattimewouldsupplythelackShealreadyhadthemakings.Graci
10、ousshewas.BygraciousImeanfullofgracesShehadanerectnessofcarriage,aneaseofbear?ng,apoisethatclearlyindicatedthebestofbreedingAttablehermannerswereexquisiteIhadseenherattheKozyKampusKornereatingthespecialtyofthehouseasandwichthatcontainedscrapsofpotroast,gravy,choppednuts,andadipperofsauerkrautwithout
11、evengettingherfingersmoist.Intelligentshewasnot.Infact,sheveeredintheoppositedirection.ButIbelievedthatundermyguidaneeshewouldsmartenup.Atanyrate,itwasworthatry.Itis,afterall,easiertomakeabeautifuldumbgirlsmartthantomakeanuglysmartgirlbeautiful.Tetey/Isaid,areyouinlovewithPollyEspy?Ithinkshesakeenki
12、d/hereplied,butIdontknowifyoudcallitlove.Why?Doyou,11Iasked,haveanykindofformalarrangementwithher?Imeanareyougoingsteadyoranythinglikethat?11No.Weseeeachotherquiteabit,butwebothhaveotherdatesWhy?Isthere,11Iasked,anyothermanforwhomshehasaparticularfondness?NotthatIknowof.Why?InoddedwithsatisfactionIn
13、otherwords,ifyouwereoutofthepicture,thefieldwouldbeoper)Isthatright?Iguessso.Whatareyougettingat?Nothingznothing/Isaidinnocently,andtookmysuitcaseouttheclosetWhereareyougoing?askedPetey.Homeforweekend/IthrewafewthingsintothebagListen/hesaid,dutchingmyarmeagerly,whileyoufrehome,youcouldntgetsomemoney
14、fromyouroldman,couldyou,andlendittomesoIcanbuyaraccooncoat?11“Imaydobetterthanthat/Isaidwithamysteriouswinkanddosedmybagandleft.“Look/IsaidtoPeteywhenIgotbackMondaymorning.Ithrewopenthesuitcaseandrevealedthehuge,hairy,gamyobjectthatmyfatherhadworninhisStutzBearcatin1925.HolyToledo!saidPeteyreverentl
15、y.HeplungedhishandsintotheraccooncoatandthenhisfaceHolyToledo!herepeatedfifteenortwentytimes.Wouldyoulikeit?Tasked.Ohyes!hecried,clutchingthegreasypelttohim.ThenacannylookcameintohiseyesWhatdoyouwantforit?Yourgirl.Isaid,mincingnowordsPolly?”hesaidinahorrifiedwhisper.YouwantPolly?DThatsright.11Heflungthecoatfromhim.Never/hesaidstoutly.IshruggedOkay.Ifyoudontwanttobeintheswim,IguessitsyourbusinessIsatdowninachairandpretendedtoreadabook,butoutofthecornerofmyeyeIkeptwatchingPeteyHewasatornman.FirsthelookedatthecoatwiththeexpressionofawaifatabakerywindowThenheturnedawayan
