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1、heartheboysaregonnastrike,oneworkertoldanother. Whatfor?askedthefriend. Shorterhours. Goodforthem.Ialwaysdidthink60minuteswastoolongforanhour.Avoiceontheofficeloudspeakerannounced:Wewillbe testingthespeakersystemtomakesureitwillwork properlyincaseofemergency. Ifyouareunabletohearthisannouncement, pl
2、easecontactus.Aladywaswalkingdownthestreettoworkandshesawaparrotinfrontofapetstore. Theparrotsaidtoher,Heylady,youarereallyugly. theladyisfurious! Shestormedpastthestoretoherwork. Onthewayhomeshesawthesameparrotanditsaidtoher,Heylady,youarereallyugly.Shewasincrediblytickednow. Thenextdaythesameparro
3、tagainsaidtoher,Heylady,youarereallyugly. Theladywassotickedthatshewentintothestoreandsaidthatshewoulddestroythestoreandkillthebird.Thestoremanagerrepliedprofuselyandpromisedhewouldmakesuretheparrotdidntsayitagain. Whentheladywalkedpastthestorethatdayafterwork the parrotcalledtoher,Heylady. Shepause
4、dandsaid, Yes? Thebirdsaid,Youknow.english joke 英语笑话（一） 老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。” 小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?老师说：Go ahead. 小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？ 小明说：你没听老师说去你个头啊！ 英语笑话（二） 某日刘洪涛在新加坡迷了路，碰到一黄种人，上
5、前搭话曰：I am Hongtao Liu，这人曰：我TMD还是方片七呢！英语笑话（三） 江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道：Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful. 翻译照翻，江青心花怒 放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。 翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文：Where? Where? 外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底：Everywhere, everywhere. 翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文：You are not allo
6、wed to see, you are not allowed to see. 英语笑话（四） 话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大 拇指道：I AM后羿！ B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：I AM丘比特！ 轮到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！ 结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：I.I.I.AM.SORRY. 英语笑话（五） 某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 忙说：I am sorry.老外应道：I am sorry too. 某人听后又道
7、：I am sorry three. 老外不解，问：What are you sorry for? 某人无奈，道：I am sorry five. 英语笑话（六） 一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车经过，就说：“oh，TOKOTA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”又有一辆经过，他又说： “oh，NISSAN！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”司机有点不高兴，觉得他太吵了！当第三辆经过时，他还是说：“oh，HONDA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！” 后来到了机场，那个日本人就问：“
8、How Much？”出租车司机说：“1000！” 日本人惊奇的问司机：“为什么那么贵？”出租车司机回答说：“oh，mileometre（计 程表）！Made in Japan! It is very fast！” 英语笑话（七） 英语老师问一个学生，“How are you是什么意思” 学生想how是怎么，you 是你，于是回答“怎么是你？” 老师生气又问另一个同学：“How old are you ?是什么意思？” 这个同学想了想说：“怎么老是你。” 英语笑话（八） 某男，粗通英文，至使馆，有表要填，有一栏是sex。 该男思之久已，毅然下笔：“Once a week“。 签证官观后暴笑，曰：
9、“This item should be filled in with male or female.“ 该男顿时赧颜，思之，填下“female“，官楞之，曰：“shouldnt it be male?“ 男急释曰：“I am a normal man, so I have sex with female.” 英语笑话（九） 一位在美的留学生，想要考国际驾照。在考试时因为过于紧张，看到地上标线是向左转。 他不放心的问道:turn left？ 监考官回答：right. 于是他立刻向右转。 很抱歉他只有下次再来。 英语笑话（十一） A：Whats on your hand？ B：Watch. A：
10、How to spell that？ B：T-H-A-T 英语笑话（十二） 女：say“i love you”，say it，come on！say it！ 男：it！Use Any Key This joke uses a play on words - one word has two meanings. There is a customer who cannot understand a very simple message from somebody who is trying to help him. Enjoy the story! A new customer called
11、(1) Tech Support to ask about (2) instructions from his computers (3) users manual. It says, hit any (4) key and when I do that nothing happens. The Tech Support (5) staff member replied, Can you try again and tell me what happens? The customer (6) explained, I tried but nothing happened. The Tech S
12、upport worker then asked, What key did you hit? After (7) a moment and some (8) clinking sound the customer replied, Well, first I tried my (9) car key and just now my (10) office key. (1) an office that can help you with machines (2) how to do something (3) a book that tells you everything about a
13、machine (4) a letter or number on a computer keyboard (5) a worker (6) said why or what, in detail (7) a very short time (8) the sound of metal hitting metal (9) a key used to get into a car (10) a key used to get into an office The customer confused keys that are used to open doors with the keys on
14、 a computer. Not very smart! Easy Joke Two Rainy Days A (1) newcomer to (2) Seattle arrives on a rainy day. She (3) gets up the next day and its raining. It also rains the day after that, and the day after that. She goes out to lunch and sees (4) a young kid and, (5) out of despair, asks, Hey, kid, does it ever stop raining around here? The kid says, (6) How should I know? Im only 6. (1) a person who has lived there for a short time (2) a very rainy city in the North West U.S.
