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1、山西省永济市涑北中学高三英语复习：英文小幽默2A lady was walking down the street to work. She saw a parrot on a perch栖木 in front of a pet （宠物）store.The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady was furious暴怒的! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it
2、said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” She was incredibly ticked愤怒 now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue起诉 the store and kill the bird. The store manager apologized（
3、道歉）profusely十分慷慨地 and promised（保证）he would make sure the parrot wouldnt say it again. When the lady walked past the store that day after work, the parrot called to her, “Hey lady.” She paused and said, ”Yes?” The bird said, “You know.” Daddy, How Much Do You Make an Hour?With a timid羞怯的 voice （声音，语气
4、）and idolizing崇拜偶像 eyes，the little boy greeted（问）his father as he returned from work, “Daddy, how much do you make an hour?” Greatly surprised, but giving his boy a glaring耀眼的 look, the father said, “Look, son, not even your mother knows that. Dont bother（打扰） me now, Im tired（累，疲劳的）.” “But Daddy, ju
5、st tell me please! How much do you make an hour?” the boy insisted. The father finally（最后）gave up（give up放弃）and replied, “Twenty dollars per hour.” “Okay, Daddy. Could you loan（贷款） me ten dollars?” the boy asked. Showing restlessness（不安）and positively disturbed（被激怒）, the father yelled（大喊）“So that wa
6、s the reason you asked how much I earn（挣）, right? Go to sleep and dont bother me anymore!”It was already dark and the father felt guilty（愧疚）as he meditated（思考，冥想）on what he had said. Maybe, he thought, his son wanted to buy something. So the father went to his sons room. “Are you asleep, son?” asked
7、 the father.“No, Daddy. Why?” replied the boy, partially asleep（睡眼惺忪）. “Heres the money you asked for earlier（早些时候，刚才）,” the father said.“Thank Daddy!” rejoiced（喜乐）the son, putting his hand under his pillow（枕头）and pulling out some money. “Now I have twenty dollars!” the boy said to his father, who w
8、as gazing（凝视）at his son, confused at（对。疑惑）what his son just said. “Daddy, could you sell me one hour of your time?” snakeAre we poisonous（有毒的）? the young snake asked his mother. Yes, dear, she replied - Why do you ask? Cause Ive just bitten my tongue!The cat and mouseMrs Brown went to visit one of h
9、er friend and carried a small box with holes（洞）punched（针扎） in the top（顶部）. Whats in your box? asked the friend. A cat, answered Mrs Brown. You see Ive been dreaming about（做梦梦到）mice at night and Im so scared（害怕）! This cat is to catch them. But the mice are only imaginary（假想）, said the friend. So is t
10、he cat, whispered Mrs Brown. evolutionThe lecturer（讲师） on evolution（进化论） had been going on for nearly（接近） two hours. then he started again, and said he:Let me ask the evolutionist a question - if we had tails like a baboon（狒狒）, where are they? Ill venture（风险，冒险） an answer, said an old lady. We have
11、worn them off（磨掉） sitting here so long.Improvement（进步）One student to another: How are your English lessons coming along（进展如何）? Fine. I used to（曾经）be one who couldnt understand the English men, and now its the English men who cant understand me.The Reason（理由） of Being Late Teacher: Johnny, why are yo
12、u late for school every morning? Johnny: Every time I come to the corner（拐角）, a guidepost（路牌）says, School - Go Slow.When Do People Talk Least?Student A: When do people talk least（最少）? Student B: In February. Student A: Why? Student B: Because February is the shortest month of a year.The plural Form（
13、复数形式）of Child Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom? Tom: Men. Teacher: Good. And the plural of child? Tom: Twins.The insane asylumLate one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate（病人）shouted（喊）, I am Napoleon! Another one said, How do you know? The first inmate said, God told me! Just then, a v
14、oice from another room shouted, I did not!My Sisters Fingers Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time? Kevin: Please sir, I bruised（砸伤）two fingers knocking in a nail（钉钉子） at home. Teacher: I dont see any bandages（绷带）. Kevin: Oh, they werent my fingers! I told my little sister to hold（扶住）the nail.E
15、ssay（作文） Teacher had set his class an essay in A Game of Cricket（板球）. After two minutes Simon Steel（名字）handed（上交） his paper in and was allowed（允许）to go home. His essay read: Rain stopped play.How Many Rabbits? Teacher: Now, Jonathan, if I gave you three rabbits and then the next day I gave you five rabbits, how many rabbits would you have? Jonathan: Nine, sir. Teacher: Nine? Jonathan: Ive got one already（本来）, sir.How much English can you speak?Your Honor（尊敬的）, I want to bring to your attention how unfair（不公平） it is for my client（客户，当事人） to
