搞笑的英语演讲稿

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1、搞笑的英语演讲稿搞笑的英语演讲稿篇一：英语演讲幽默开场白英语演讲幽默开场白作为一个演讲者，我从观众那只得到过两种抱怨：一种是我讲话声音太大了，他们无法入睡；第二种是我讲得时间太长了，他们无法一直清醒。As a speaker, Ive only had two complaints from audiences. One, that I talk so loud they cant fall asleep. And two, that I talk so long they cant stay awake.创新句子：你们或者睡觉，或者不睡，只要不打呼噜，我就接着讲。作为一个讲演者，他的演讲总拿

2、来和林肯的哥得堡演讲一个著名的演讲相比较。当他演讲结束时，也有悲伤、眼泪和悲痛特别是计划委员会。As a speaker, he has often been compared to Abraham Lincoln delivering the Gettysburg Address. When he finishes his speech, there is also sorrow, tears and mourning - especially by the program committee.幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来

3、你泰然自若，优雅地点头微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡 Poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program - and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from break

4、fast.幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好象推开了很多事才赶去似的。过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助。此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，但眼睛有些疲劳。I used to get nervous when giving a speech but then I read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked. And so, at this very moment, Im stand

5、ing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked. And it really works. I no suffer from nervousness. Eyestrain. Yes幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常紧张。我本人不自负我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。Personally, I have never been conceited - and I cant tell you how much I admire

6、 myself for that.幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲。创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我.我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。Let me put this into plain English. Ill translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。If youve already heard this

7、story, please dont stop me because its the only one I know.幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说。创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去你就满意了。Making a speech is like watering a lawn. Youre satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in.幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就不错了。演讲开始时我们有一些共同点，你们不知道我要讲什么我也

8、不知道。At the very start, let me just say that we both have something in common. You dont know what Im going to say - and neither do I.幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么开始前我想告诉你们下面的演讲已经编辑成了电视节目，我现在少讲 20 分钟，我们能够及时赶回家看 2 台的节目。Before I begin, I want you to know that the following speech has be

9、en edited fortelevision. I cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2.幽默注释：放着现场不看，偏要回家在电视上看。 可能你们有些人知道我今晚出现在这里有两个原因：第一个原因是你们的计划委员会一直在设法寻找一个聪明、有趣、老练的演讲者，他们找到了。第二个原因是那个人病了，所以就打电话把我找来了。 As some of you may know, Im appearing here tonight for two very good reasons

10、. The first reason is your Program Committee was trying to find a speaker whos intelligent, entertaining, sophisticated - and they did. The second reason is, he got sick so they called me. 幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。 创新句子：我认为我演讲很风趣，可为什么没人笑呢？ 篇二：幽默英语演讲稿幽默英语演讲稿love your mother爱你的母亲why are you crying,

11、a young boy asked his mom你为什么哭一个小男孩问他的妈妈.“because im a woman,“ she told him.因为我是女人,她告诉他.“i dont understand,“ he said.我不明白.他回答his mom just hugged him and said,“and you never will, but thats “.妈妈拥抱了他说,“你永远也不会明白,但没关系.“later the little boy asked his father,“why does mom seem to cry for no reason“.后来小男孩问

12、他的父亲“妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣“all women cry for no reason,“ was all his dad could say“所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣“,这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的.the little boy grew up and became a man,still wondering why women cry.等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候,他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭.finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked “god, why do women cry

13、 so easily“最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问“上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣“god answered上帝回答:“when i made woman,i decided she had to be special.i made her shouldersstrong enough to carrythe weight of the world, yet,made her arms gentle enough to give comfort.“当我创造女人的时候,我决定把她造的很特别,我让她的双肩强壮的足以能够承担整个世界,但是,却让她的双臂温柔的足够去安慰他人.i gave her the

14、inner strengthto endure childbirth篇三：幽默的英语演讲稿英语演讲幽默开场白作为一个演讲者，我从观众那只得到过两种抱怨：一种是我讲话声音太大了，他们无法入睡；第二种是我讲得时间太长了，他们无法一直清醒。作为一个讲演者，他的演讲总拿来和林肯的哥得堡演讲一个著名的演讲相比较。当他演讲结束时，也有悲伤、眼泪和悲痛特别是计划委员会。 幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。 演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来你泰然自若，优雅地点头微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡 poise is when youfinish your

15、speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busyschedule to be a part of their program - and you nod and smile graciously knowingfull well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好象推开了很多事才赶去似的。过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时

16、我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助。此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，但眼睛有些疲劳。i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to thinkof the entire audience as being naked. and so, at this very moment, im standingup here imagining every one in this audience as being naked. and it really works.i no suffer from nervousness. eyestrain. yes 幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常 紧张。我本人不自负我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。