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1、英语美文阅读教材：避免生活中 常犯的错误与误会oUsing a snappish tone. I have a very short fuse and become irritable extremely easily but my husband really doesnt like it when I snap at him (big surprise). Ive done a lot to try to keep my temper in check. I dont let myself get too hungry or too cold (I fall into these stat
2、es very easily); I try to keep our apartment in reasonable order, because a mess makes me crabby; when he tries to make a joke out of my temper, I try to laugh along; I try to control my voice to keep it light and cheery instead of accusatory and impatient. Confession: I havent made much headway her
3、e.oGetting angry about a fixed trait. This is very, very tough. One of the things Ive learned from my happiness project is that you cant change anyone but yourself, and while there are some things Id “ love to change about my husband, those things arent going to change. He isnt going to get better a
4、bout answering my emails. He is going to keep making rich desserts that tempt me. Etc. Instead of getting all worked up, as I often do, Im trying to remind myself of HOW SMALL his flaws are, in the scheme of things.oOne of the main twelve themes of my happiness project is marriage. For me, as with m
5、any people, my marriage is one of the most central elements in my life and my happiness. When I started my happiness project, and I reflected about the changes I wanted to make - - as well as the resolutions I wanted to keep in order to bring about those changes - I realized I had five particular pr
6、oblem areas in my marriage.oMy demand for gold stars. Oh, how I crave appreciation and recognition! I always want that gold star stuck to my homework. But myohusband just isnt very good at handing out gold stars, and that makes me feel angry and unappreciated. I figured out a good strategy. I used t
7、o tell myself I was doing nice things for him “Hell be so happy to see that I put all the books away,” “Hell be so pleased that I finally got the trunk packed for camp” etc. then Id “ be mad when he wasnt appreciative. Now I tell myself that Im doing these things because I want to do them. “Wow, the
8、 kitchen cabinets look great!” “Im so organized to have bought all the supplies in advance!” Because I do things for myself, he doesnt have to notice. oScore-keeping. Im a score-keeper, always calculating who has done what. “I cleaned up the kitchen, so you have to run to the store” - that sort of t
9、hing. Ive found two ways to try to deal with this tendency. First, I remind myself of the phenomenon of unconscious over- claiming; i.e., we unconsciously overestimate our contributions or skills relative to other peoples. This makes sense, because of course were far more aware of what we do than wh
10、at other people do. According to Jonathan Haidts The Happiness Hypothesis, “when husbands and wives estimate the percentage of housework each does, their estimates totalomore than 120 percent.” I complain about the time I spend organizing babysitting or paying bills, but I overlook the time my husba
11、nd spends dealing with our car or food-shopping.oWhat are some mistakes you make in your marriage or long-term relationship? Have you found any great strategies for addressing them?oIts easy to see that over-claiming leads to resentment and an inflated sense of entitlement. So now when I find myself
12、 thinking, “Im the only one around here whoobothers to” or “Why do I always have to be the one who?” I remind myself of all the tasks I dont do. Second, I remind myself of the words of my spiritual master, St. Therese of Lisieux: “When one loves, one does not calculate.” That precept is the basis fo
13、r my 11th Personal Commandment: No calculation.oTaking my husband for granted. Just as I find it easily to overlook the chores done by my husband (see #4), its easy for me to forget to appreciate his many virtues and instead focus on his flaws (see #3). For example, although Iofind it hard to resist
14、 using an irritable tone, my husband almost never speaks harshly, and thats really a wonderful trait. Im trying to stay alert to all the things I love about him, and let go of my petty annoyances. This is easier said than done. Ive found that working to keep my resolution to Kiss more, hug more, touch more is an effective way to help me stay in loving, appreciative frame of mind.
