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1、Today there are two major parts in the speech 1 . Some English small jokes2 . Some beautiful sentences of the movieI know who god is A boy says to his mother, Mom, is God a man or woman? The mom thinks a while and says, Well, son, God is both man and woman. The son is confused, so he asks, is God bl
2、ack or white? The mother replies, God is both black and white, honey. The son, still curious, says after a while, is God gay or straight, mommy? The mother, getting a little worried, answers, Son, God is both gay and straight. The son thinks about it, and his face lights up when he thinks he finally
3、 has answered his question: Is God Michael Jackson? 囧Secret For a Long Life nA woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch（门廊） .nI couldnt help noticing how happy you look, she says. Whats your secret for a long, happy life?nI smoke three packs a day, drink a case(箱) of whiske
4、y a week, eat fatty foods and never do exercise.nWow, thats amazing, says the woman. How old are you?nTwenty-two. -_-| Two Attorneys 两个律师nTwo attorneys went into a restaurant and ordered two drinks. Then they brought out sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner marched over and
5、 told them, “You cant eat your own sandwiches here!“nThe attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches. _ Fat Man and Thin Man nA very thin man met a very fat man in the hotel lobby(大厅).n“From your looks,” said the fat man, “there might have been a famine（饥荒）
6、 .“n“Yes,“ was the reply, “and from your looks, you might have caused it.“ () You have to roll up the windows firstnA woman got a dent（凹痕） in her car and took it in to the repair shop.nThe repairman decided to have a wee bit（一点，少许 ） of fun. So he told her all she had to do was to take it home and bl
7、ow in the tailpipe（排气管） until the dent popped itself out（膨胀）.nAfter 15 minutes of this, a lady ,one of the womans friends came over and asked what she was doing.n“Im trying to pop out this dent, but its not really working.“n“Duh（=Do 表犹豫） you have to roll up the windows first!“ ?_? Ive never given mu
8、ch thought to how I would die, but dying in the place of someone I love seems like a good way to go. 我过去从未过多考虑过我将来会如何死去，但死在我爱的人怀里倒是一 个不错的选择。But its you ,your scent, its like a drug to me. Youre like my personal brand of heroin. 但是你，你的气味，对我来说就像毒品一样。你就像我私人的海洛因 一样I dont have the strength to stay away f
9、rom you anymore. 我再也没有离开你的力气了。I just couldnt live in a world where you dont exist.没有你的世界，我活着也没有意义。 送给大家的几句话nWhen someone asks you a question you dont want to answer, smile and say, “Why do you want to know?” n当别人问你不想回答的问题时，笑着说：“你为什么想知道？”nNobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can s
10、tart now and make a new ending. n没有人可以回到过去重新开始，但谁都可以从现在开始，书写一个全然不同的结局 。 nA day without laughter is a day wasted. n没有大笑的一天，等于浪费了一天。nThere are so many people out there who will tell you that you cant. What youve got to do is turn around and say : “ Watch me“. n总会有许多人对你指手画脚，说“你做不到。”你所要做的就是转过头，去对他们说 ：“看我的。”nEverything will be okay in the end. If its not okay, its not the end. n每件事最后都会是好事。如果不是好事，说明还没到最后。nDont compare your life to others, you have no idea what their journey is all about. No one is charge of your happiness except you.n不要拿自己的生活跟别人比，因为你无法了解别人的经历。没人能主宰你的幸福， 除了你自己！
