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1、当好称当好称职职父母的十大原父母的十大原则则Slideshow: 10 Principles of Good Parenting 引言引言养育一个快乐健康的孩子既是父母一项最具挑战性 的工作之一，也是一项最有意义的工作之一。然而 我们许多父母却不得要领。我们可能仅凭直觉或从 我们父母哪儿学来的方法来管教孩子，而不顾其效 果如何。坦普尔大学著名心理学教授 Laurence Steinberg 博士撰写的正确养育孩子的十大基本 原则一书，集 75 年的社会科学研究之大成，为 我们提供了一些技巧和指南。如作者所言，遵循这 些原则，你便可以避免孩子出现各种各样的行为问 题。Introduction t
2、o Healthy Parenting Raising a happy, healthy child is one of the most challenging and rewarding jobs a parent can have. Yet many of us dont approach parenting with the same focus we would use for a job. We may act on our gut reactions or just use the same parenting techniques our own parents used, w
3、hether or not these were effective parenting skills. In his book The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting, Laurence Steinberg, PhD, a distinguished professor of psychology at Temple University in Philadelphia, provides tips and guidelines based on some 75 years of social science research. Follow t
4、hem and you can avert all sorts of child behavior problems, he says.你的所作所你的所作所为为至关重要至关重要无论是你的自言自行还是接人待物的方式，都是你 孩子学习的对象。“这是最为重要的原则之一，你 的言行可能能够产生截然不同的结果。不要一时冲 动，要扪心自问：我到底想做什么？又能否达到预 期结果？” Steinberg 解释道。What You Do Matters Whether its your own health behaviors or the way you treat other people, your ch
5、ildren are learning from what you do. “This is one of the most important principles,“ Steinberg explains. “What you do makes a difference.Dont just react on the spur of the moment. Ask yourself, What do I want to accomplish, and is this likely to produce that result?“爱爱无止境无止境Steinberg 在书中写道：“显而易见，爱不
6、可能宠坏 孩子。大多数情况下，孩子被宠坏绝不是孩子接受 太多爱的结果。而常常是父母用其他的东西替代了 爱，如惩罚不严、期望不高或物质财富。”You Cannot Be Too Loving “It is simply not possible to spoil a child with love,“ Steinberg writes. “What we often think of as the product of spoiling a child is never the result of showing a child too much love. It is usually the
7、consequence of giving a child things in place of love - things like leniency, lowered expectations, or material possessions.“参与孩子生活参与孩子生活 “参与到孩子的生活中去，是一件既费时又费力的 事情。这意味着需要重新考虑和安排你的重要事情， 这也意味着可能会时常为了孩子而牺牲自己想做的 事情，包括身心两方面的事情。” 参与孩子生活绝不是代劳孩子的家庭作业，而是改 正家庭作业的错误。“家庭作业是老师用来了解孩 子是否学习的工具。如果你为孩子代劳，则是不让 老师了解到孩子
8、是否学习。”Be Involved in Your Childs Life “Being an involved parent takes time and is hard work, and it often means rethinking and rearranging your priorities. It frequently means sacrificing what you want to do for what your child needs to do. Be there mentally as well as physically.“ Being involved do
9、es not mean doing a childs homework - or correcting it. “Homework is a tool for teachers to know whether the child is learning or not,“ Steinberg says. “If you do the homework, youre not letting the teacher know what the child is learning.“让让你的养育方法适合孩子你的养育方法适合孩子与孩子的发育成长保持同步。孩子逐渐长大，要关 注孩子年龄增长对其行为的影响。
10、 “对自立的向往使得 3 岁小孩总是在说不，也会使 他接受自己使用厕所的训练；与之类似，处于智力 快速发育的 13 岁孩子在课堂上头脑里充满奇思怪 想，同样的原因也会使他在餐桌上口枪舌剑。”Adapt Your Parenting to Fit Your Child Keep pace with your childs development. Your child is growing up. Consider how age is affecting the childs behavior. “The same drive for independence that is making y
11、our 3-year-old say no all the time is whats motivating him to be toilet trained,“ writes Steinberg. “The same intellectual growth spurt that is making your 13-year-old curious and inquisitive in the classroom also is making her argumentative at the dinner table.“建立建立规则规则“你如果在孩子小的时候没有控制他的行为，那么 当他长大后不
12、在你身边时，他将难以学会自我控制。 任何时候，你都应该能够回答下列三个问题：我的 孩子在哪儿？我的孩子跟谁在一起？我的孩子在做 什么？孩子从你哪儿所养成的规则将影响他的自律 规则。” “但是，对孩子不能事无巨细。当他们是中学生时， 应该让他们自己独立完成家庭作业，做出他们自己 选择，不要干预。”Establish and Set Rules “If you dont manage your childs behavior when he is young, he will have a hard time learning how to manage himself when he is ol
13、der and you arent around. Any time of the day or night, you should always be able to answer these three questions: Where is my child? Who is with my child? What is my child doing? The rules your child has learned from you are going to shape the rules he applies to himself. “But you cant micromanage
14、your child,“ Steinberg notes. “Once theyre in middle school, you need to let the child do their own homework, make their own choices, and not intervene.“鼓励孩子独立鼓励孩子独立 “设定限制有助于培养孩子的自控意识，鼓励独立 则有助于培养孩子的自我导向意识。要想孩子拥有 成功人生，两者不可或缺。” 孩子争取自主是正常行为。“许多父母错误地将孩 子的独立等同于叛逆，孩子争取自立是寻求控制而 非被别人控制的感受，这是人类天性的一部分。”Foster
15、 Your Childs Independence “Setting limits helps your child develop a sense of self-control. Encouraging independence helps your child develop a sense of self-direction. To be successful in life, hes going to need both.“ Its normal for children to push for autonomy, says Steinberg. “Many parents mist
16、akenly equate their childs independence with rebelliousness or disobedience. Children push for independence because it is part of human nature to want to feel in control rather than to feel controlled by someone else.“始始终终如一如一“如果你制定的规则朝令夕改、虎头蛇尾，那么孩 子出现的不当行为则是你的过错，而非孩子。你最 为重要的纪律工具就是始终如一，要亮明你不可商 量的态度。你的权威性越多地基于脑子而非拳头， 你的孩子对权威性的挑战就会越少。”Be Consistent “If your rules vary from day to day in an unpredictable
