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1、 1英语课前 3 分钟演讲资料大全英语小笑话：Excited Remarks 激动的话Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals（长声尖叫） of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! Im going to have one of those someday, his dads response always was
2、 Not as long as Im alive.One day, while our son was talking to a little friend, a motorcycle passed by. He excitedly pointed it out to the boy and exclaimed, Look at that! Look at that! Im getting one of those as soon as my dad dies.我五岁的儿子对摩托车有强烈的爱好。只要看见一辆摩托车，他就会高兴得哇哇直叫，并激动地说：瞧这辆！瞧这辆，我总有一天也要有一辆。他爸爸的
3、回答老是只要我活着，你就别想有这玩艺儿。一天我们的儿子跟他的小朋友在说话，有一辆摩托车开了过去。他兴奋的指着摩托车叫道瞧这辆！瞧这辆！等我爸一死我就要有这样一辆摩托车了。英语幽默笑话：Sharing the Apples 分苹果Harry was given two apples, a small one and a large one, by his Mum. Share them with your sister, she said.So Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the
4、large one.Cor! said his sister, If Mum had given them to me Id have given you the large one and had the small one myself.Well, said Harry, thats what youve got, so what are you worrying about? 2妈妈给了哈里两个苹果，一个大一点，另一个小点儿。跟妹妹分着吃。妈妈说。所以，哈里就把小个的给了妹妹，自己开始啃那个大个的。哼，妹妹说，如果妈妈给了我，我会把大的给你，把小的留给自己的。对呀，哈里说，你拿到的不就是
5、小的吗？还着什么急呀？英语笑话：要求加薪 Asking for a RaiseAt the radio station where I worked, the manager called me into his office to preview a new sound-effects package we were considering purchasing. He closed the door so we wouldnt bother people in the outer office.After listening to a few routine sound effects,
6、we started playing around with low moans, maniacal（疯狂的） screams, hysterical（歇斯底里的） laughter, pleading and gunshots. When I finally opened the door and passed the managers secretary, she looked up and inquired, Asking for a raise again?我在一家之声工作。经理把我叫进他的办公室，让我预试一下我们准备购买的一套新的音响效果设备。他关上门，以免打扰外面办公室的人。听了几
7、个常规的音响效果后，我们开始试听低声的呻吟，狂乱的尖叫，歇斯底里的大笑，哀求声和枪声。最后我开门出去，从经理秘书旁边经过时，她抬起头问道：又要求加薪了？英语笑话：Fish net 鱼网Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl. 3“你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？”老师发问道。“把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。”小女孩回答道。不是那样的 Its not thatA: I saw seven girl
8、s share one umbrella and none of them got wet.B: Oh, that must be a very big umbrella.A: No, it wasnt raining.A：我看见 7 个女孩共撑一把伞却没有一个被淋湿。B：啊？那一定是把很大的伞吧！A：不是，当时并没有下雨。【每日一乐】谁是上帝？A little kid asks his father, Daddy, is God a man or a woman?一个小孩问他的父亲：“爸爸，上帝是男人还是女人？”Both son. God is both.“他二者皆是，孩子，上帝二者皆是。”
9、After a while the kid comes again and asks, Daddy, is God black or white?过了一会，孩子又问：“爸爸，上帝是黑人还是白人？”Both son, both. 4“二者皆是，孩子，皆是。”The child returns a few minutes later and says, Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?孩子过了一会倒回来说：“爸爸，上帝是迈克杰克逊吗？”【每日一乐】男生永远不会说的八句话8 things youll never hear a man say8) Here honey, y
10、ou use the remote.给，亲爱的，你来用遥控器吧。7) You know, Id like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big.你知道，我也愿意再跟她约会，但她的胸部实在太大了！6) Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? Thats one movie I gotta see!哦！安东尼巴德拉斯和布拉德皮特？我一定要看那部电影！5) While Im up, can I get you anything?我起身的时候，要帮你（顺手）拿点儿什么吗？4) Sex isnt that
11、important, sometimes I just want to be held.性不是那么重要，有时候我只想和你拥抱。3) Aww, forget Monday night football, lets watch Melrose Place. 5哦！星期一晚上看什么足球赛啊，我们来看飞跃情海吧！（女生超爱的电视连续剧。）2) Hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on.嘿，你试穿的时候我来帮你拿包包。1) We never talk anymore.人家再也不跟你说话了啦！No.1 A helping hand A man wh
12、o lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down. Is this yours? he asked. She said, Yes, could you bring it up? and the man
13、agreed. On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed. Shortly afterwards she said, Im about to have dinner. Theres plenty. Would you like to join me? He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing
14、 to a close the lady said, Ive had a marvelous evening. Would you like to stay the night? 6The man hesitated then said, Do you act like this with every man you meet? No, she replied, Only those who catch my eye. No.2 A Place to Sleep By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was
15、 taken. Youve got to have a room somewhere. he pleaded. Or just a bed-I dont care where. Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, admitted the manager, and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the
16、 past. Im not sure itd be worth it to you. No problem, the tired traveler assured him. Ill take it. The next morning, John came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. When asked about how he slept, he replied, Never better. The manager was impressed. No problem with the other guy snoring, then? Nope. I shut him up in no time. Howd you manage that? He was already in bed, snoring
