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1、本期精华内容特殊时光：建立联结的好方法01在特殊时光中，父母在固定的时间内，怀着格外的热情，给予孩子一对一的关注，由孩子来决定做什么。如果特殊时光能够有规律的进行，效果最好。特殊时光的五个关键因素为：第一，一对一陪伴：一位家长对一个孩子；第二，全情投入：尤其是不要看手机！第三，固定时长：可以定一个定时器，10分钟、半个小时、或者一个小时，都可以。有的父母对我说，他们的特殊时光做了一整天。这是不可能的！没人能够专注地保持热情那么久。尝试不间断的特殊时光只会让你精疲力尽。时间短又特别的特殊时光会更好。第四，孩子做主：只要不是太危险、太昂贵，让孩子来决定做什么；这可能是特殊时光最重要的因素。第五，规
2、律的进行：可以是每天放学后15分钟，或者每周1小时。当孩子知道特殊时光是有期可待的，会更加受益。02特殊时光的价值在于，在父母和孩子之间建立亲密的联结。大部分时间里，是我们要求孩子适应我们的要求该吃饭了、该睡觉了、规则、上学、干这个、不能做那个、安静点、坐好了。这让亲子关系变得紧张起来。如果我们每周都能留出一些时间，让孩子做主，而且家长充满热情地加入孩子的世界，就可以重建亲密的关系，并帮助孩子发展自我。特殊时光很容易上手，你可以这么说：“我有一个小时可以单独和你在一起，我不会看手机，也不会管其他事情，而且由你来决定做什么。这将是我们的特殊时光。”这部分很简单，但是特殊时光并不总是这么容易。有时
3、，孩子会说：“我不知道干什么。”父母就会忍不住跳出来做决定。和孩子一起做你建议的事情，你们也许会非常快乐，但这不是特殊时光。在特殊时光中，你只要微笑着说：“你一定能想到想要做的事情，我会陪你坐着。”特殊时光并不需要花很多钱去看特别的演出，或者买特别的新玩具，是因为和你联结才让这段时光显得特殊。03当父母初次尝试特殊时光时，常会遇到两个普遍的困难：第一，总是习惯性对孩子说不。第二，找不到合适的时间和地点。特殊时光的三个例外：第一个例外是多子女。每个孩子都需要各自的特殊时光，但是作为补充，你们还可以有手足特殊时光。另外一个例外，就是和朋友交换孩子进行特殊时光。有些孩子特别想和爸爸妈妈同时进行特殊时
4、光。双倍的关注、双倍的热情，还有什么能比这个更好呢？本期精华内容This episode is about Special Time, which is a great way to build connection.01In Special Time, the parent gives the child one-on-one attention with extra enthusiasm for a fixed time, and the child decides what to do. Special Time is best if it happens regularly. The
5、five key elements are:It is one-on-one:One parent and one child.Undivided attention with enthusiasm: No looking at your phone!Special Time lasts for a fixed period of time: Set a timer for ten minutes, thirty minutes, or an hour, Some parents tell me that they already do special time all day every d
6、ay. Thats not possible! No one can maintain enthusiastic undivided attention for that long. Trying to do non-stop Special Time will burn you out. Its better if it is shorter and more special.The child decides what to do, as long as it is not too dangerous or too expensive. This is probably the most
7、important element of Special Time.Special Time is regular: it could be fifteen minutes after school each day or an hour every weekend. When children know that they can expect Special Time, they derive more benefit from it.02The value of Special Time is the way it builds close connections between par
8、ents and children. Most of the time we require that children adapt to our requirementsmealtimes, bedtimes, rules, school, do this, dont do that, be quiet, sit still. This puts strain on the parent-child relationship. We can rebuild closeness and help our children develop by having some time each wee
9、k when the child is in charge and the parent enthusiastically joins the childs world.Regular Special Time gives children a deep sense of safety and security. Thats because it is the opposite of criticizing children or ignoring them. Some children use this safety to challenge themselves. They may try
10、 something difficult, like new Kung Fu or dance moves, over and over during Special Time. They use their parents full attention and enthusiasm to take risks and push themselves harder.Special Time is easy to start. “I have an hour to spend time with only you. I will not look at my phone or take care
11、 of anything else, and you can decide what we do. This will be our Special Time.” That part is simple, but Special Time is not always easy. Sometimes a child says, “I dont know what to do.” Many parents are tempted to jump in and make suggestions. You can have a lot of fun with children doing things
12、 you suggest, but it isnt Special Time. In Special Time, you just smile and say, “Ill sit with you while you figure out what you want to do.” Special Time does not require expensive tickets to special events, or special new toys. Its the connection with you that makes it special.03When parents first
13、 try out Special Time, there are two common difficulties. The first is a habit of saying no, and the second is finding the proper time and space.I said at the beginning of the episode that Special Time is done with one parent and one child. However, I am going to share three important exceptions to
14、this rule.The first exception is with siblings. Each sibling needs their own Special Time, but in addition, you can have Sibling Special Time.Another exception to one parent-one child is when you and a friend swap children for Special Time.The final exception to the one-on-one rule is that some children really love it if they can have Special Time with both parents at once. Double attention, double enthusiasmwhat could be better?
