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1、Business English Correspondence-YvonneSchool of Foreign Studies, NJFU8/31/20241Criteria for Effective Business Writing nCourtesy nCorrectnessnConcisenessnClaritynConcretenessnCompleteness8/31/20242 1)Not mere politeness like using some phrases of “please” or “thank you” 2)Keep a sincere You-attitude
2、. 3)Use tactful way to blame your readers, and try to avoid irritating or offensive statement. 4)Answer letters promptly .Principles8/31/202431)Emphasizing You-attitude rather than We-attitude1)Emphasizing You-attitude rather than We-attitude“You-attitude”“You-attitude”You earn 2 percent discount fo
3、r cash paymentYou earn 2 percent discount for cash payment“We-attitude”“We-attitude”We allow 2 percent discount for cash paymentWe allow 2 percent discount for cash payment8/31/20244We/I attitude You attitude1. 1.A large sale of A large sale of ourour products will make products will make ourour com
4、pany more company more profitable.profitable.2. 2.WeWe are in need of fund are in need of fund and you must payand you must pay3. 3.We We can not offer you can not offer you any refund any refund 4. 4.Obviously Obviously you forget you forget telling ustelling us the color the color1. 1.A good sale
5、of the A good sale of the products will benefit products will benefit youyou2. 2.To maintain To maintain youryour excellent credit, please excellent credit, please remitremit3. 3.YouYou could obtain a could obtain a refund ifrefund if4. 4.Please indicate Please indicate youryour choice of colorchoic
6、e of color8/31/202452)Focusing on the positive approach“Positive” We feel sure that you will be entirely satisfied.“Negative” We do not believe you will have cause for dissatisfaction8/31/20246Examplen nDear Sirs, we are sorry you have misunderstood us. ()n nDears Sirs, we are sorry we didnt make ou
7、rselves clear. ()n nWe cannot understand why you have had trouble with these articles. ()n nWe presume that there must be some reasons for you having trouble with these articles. ()8/31/20247“Polite” We have received with many thanks your letter of Oct.7, and we take pleasure of sending you our late
8、st catalog. We wish to draw your attention to a special offer which we have made in it.“Courteous” considerate You will be particularly interested in a special offer on page 5 of the latest catalog enclosed, which you requested in your letter of Oct.7. “tactful” Your letter is not clear at all, I ca
9、nt understand it. If I understand your letter correctly 8/31/20248Courtesy Courtesy （I I） 1. Please enclose the 1. Please enclose the price-list and the price-list and the literature concerned, literature concerned, so that we can decide so that we can decide whether we are to whether we are to plac
10、e the order with place the order with you.you. We must receive your We must receive your price-list and the literature price-list and the literature concerned before we can concerned before we can decide whether we are to decide whether we are to place the order with you.place the order with you. 8/
11、31/20249Correctnessn nCorrect grammar, punctuation and spelling are basic requirements for business writing, In addition, correctness means choosing the correct level of language, and using accurate information and data.8/31/202410Examplen nEnclosed is the copy of receipt. ()n nEnclosed is a copy of
12、 the receipt. ()avoid using overstatementsIt is the lowest price available to you.It is the lowest price that we can offer you now.8/31/202411 understand understand househousecitycitystopstopleast least forforbecausebecauseleaveleaveunpleasantunpleasantvariedvariedbeginbeginduringduringsincesincecom
13、prehendcomprehendresidenceresidencemetropolismetropolisceaseceaseminimalminimalfor the purpose offor the purpose ofdue to the fact thatdue to the fact thatdepartdepartoffensiveoffensiveheterogeneousheterogeneousinitiateinitiateduring the years ofduring the years offor the reason thatfor the reason t
14、hatCorrectness8/31/202412CorrectnessCorrectness （II II） formalformal InformalInformalapproximately approximately inquire inquire ascertain ascertain obtain obtain assist assist participate participate construct construct purchase purchase contribute contribute sufficient sufficient difficult difficu
15、lt utilize utilize aboutaboutaskaskfind outfind outreceivereceivehelphelpsharesharebuildbuildbuybuygivegiveenoughenoughhardharduseuse8/31/202413Concisenessn nEffective writing is conciseeach word, sentence, Effective writing is conciseeach word, sentence, and paragraph counts. Conciseness means to w
16、rite and paragraph counts. Conciseness means to write in the fewest possible words without sacrificing in the fewest possible words without sacrificing completeness and courtesy. Conciseness will give completeness and courtesy. Conciseness will give emphasis to your message.emphasis to your message.
17、n ne.g.:e.g.:n n “Please quote your lowest price for your best “Please quote your lowest price for your bestn nquality.”quality.”8/31/202414Conciseness （I） 1. 1. Will you please return the enclosed Will you please return the enclosed card and arrange a convenient card and arrange a convenient time f
18、or an interview?time for an interview? l lI am calculating the annual I am calculating the annual turnover of the refrigerators turnover of the refrigerators imported to find out the possible imported to find out the possible profit before I leave for Tokyo.profit before I leave for Tokyo. At this t
19、ime I am writing to you to At this time I am writing to you to enclose the postpaid appointment card enclose the postpaid appointment card for the purpose of arranging a for the purpose of arranging a convenient time when we might get convenient time when we might get together for a personal intervi
20、ew.together for a personal interview.I am doing calculation in regard to the I am doing calculation in regard to the annual turnover of the refrigerators annual turnover of the refrigerators imported in order to find out the imported in order to find out the possible profit in advance of my possible
21、 profit in advance of my departure for Tokyo.departure for Tokyo.8/31/202415ConcisenessHow to make a business letter concise?1 1）Avoid using wordy expressionAvoid using wordy expressione.g.e.g.Wordy: Enclosed herewith please find two copies of Wordy: Enclosed herewith please find two copies of Conci
22、se: We enclose two copies ofConcise: We enclose two copies of8/31/2024162）Avoid unnecessary repetitione.g. Will you ship us any time during the month of December, or even November if you are rushed, for November would suit us just as well.Rewrite: Please ship us by the end of November.8/31/2024173 3
23、）Use short sentences, simple words and clear Use short sentences, simple words and clear explanationexplanationUse a word to replace a phraseUse a word to replace a phrase：enclosed herewith enclosedenclosed herewith enclosedat this time nowat this time nowdue to the fact that becausedue to the fact
24、that becausea draft in the amount of $ 1,000 a draft for $ 1,000a draft in the amount of $ 1,000 a draft for $ 1,000Use words to replace clauses:Use words to replace clauses:We require full-automatic washing machine We require full-automatic washing machine which is of the which is of the new typene
25、w type. .We require We require new-typenew-type full-automatic washing machine. full-automatic washing machine.8/31/202418Clarityn nUse short, familiar words and simple, short sentences rather than long, difficult words and complex and long sentences8/31/202419l l1) Avoid using the different underst
26、anding or unclear meaning words.n neg.n nThey have a decided advantage in regard to freight. (Poor)n nThey have a decided advantage in regard to freight charges . (Better)How to be Clear?8/31/202420e.g.As to the steamers sailing from Hong Kong to San Francisco, we have bimonthly direct services. 1）W
27、e have two direct sailings every month from Hong Kong to San Francisco.2) We have a direct sailing from Hong Kong to San Francisco every two months8/31/202421We shall be able to supply 10 cases of the item only.我们仅能供应我们仅能供应该该商品商品10箱箱.We shall be able to supply 10 cases only of the item.我们仅能供应我们仅能供应1
28、0箱该商品箱该商品2) Pay attention to the position of the modifiers8/31/2024223) Pay attention to the sentence structure.We sent you 5 samples yesterday of the goods which you requested in your letter of May 25 by air.We sent you, by air, 5 samples of the goods which you requested in your letter of May 25 ye
29、sterday.4) Paragraph carefully and properly.One paragraph for each point8/31/202423Concretenessn nTo be vivid, specific and definite rather than vague, general and abstract8/31/202424Examplen nOur apples are excellent.n nOur apples are juicy, crispy and tender. (Concrete)n nSmithton Company is our b
30、ig buyer.n nSmithton Company did more than one million USD worth of business with us in 2005. (Concrete)8/31/202425e.g.We have drawn on you as usual under your L/C. We have drawn on you our sight draft No.845 for the Invoice amount, US $560.00, under your L/C No.246 of the China Bank.8/31/202426Comp
31、letenessn nInclude all the necessary information and data in the Include all the necessary information and data in the messagemessagen nFIRM OFFERFIRM OFFERQualityQualityQuantityQuantityPackingPackingPricePriceShipmentShipmentPaymentPaymentValidityValidity8/31/202427Q?n nSuppose you are writing a le
32、tter to your supplier telling him that his goods were not delivered on time. What kind of information should you include in your letter? 8/31/202428A!n nReminding him of his promise of timely delivery.n nState what losses has this caused youn nAsking for compensation if there is any agreement on tha
33、t.n nExpecting no such thing will happen again.8/31/202429Basic Principles of Writingn nDirectness in Good-news and Routine Messagesn nIndirectness in Bad-news messages8/31/202430Indirectness in WritingFour parts:1)1)A buffer;2)2)Reasons for the negative decision;3)3)A clear, diplomatic statement of
34、 the negative decision;4)4)A helpful, friendly, and positive close.8/31/2024311) A buffereg. We appreciate your writing to us about the quality of our products.8/31/2024322) Reasons for the negative decisionEg. The treatment you asked is only allowed to those that have an annual business of up to $2
35、bn with us.8/31/2024333) A clear, diplomatic statement of the negative decision1. For this reason we can only offer the retail price. Compare: (cannot grant the discount as requested)2. We find it difficult to ship the goods before Christmas.Compare: (can not ship)8/31/2024344) A helpful, friendly,
36、and positive close.1. Thank you again for your cooperation in this matter. 2. It would be possible for you to obtain a trade discount of 2% if payment is made on a cash basis.8/31/202435Opening sentencesn nThank you for your letter dated September 2,2009Thank you for your letter dated September 2,20
37、09n nIn reply to your letter of September 2,2009In reply to your letter of September 2,2009n nI must apologize for my delay in answering your kind I must apologize for my delay in answering your kind letter.letter.n nI have the pleasure to tell you thatI have the pleasure to tell you thatn nYou are
38、recommended to our company by the Bank of You are recommended to our company by the Bank of China, New York Branch and we wish to China, New York Branch and we wish to 8/31/202436Closing sentencesn nWe look forward to hearing from you soon.n nAny further information you can provide will be appreciated.n nAny early reply would be highly appreciated.n nIf you need further information (details, particulars), please let us know.8/31/202437
