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1、Empathic ListeningIntroduction See example 1The key to effective interpersonal communication is the principle given by Covey “seek first to understand, then to be understood.Four basic types of communicationDo you have any training or education that enables you to listen so that you really, deeply u
2、nderstand another person from that individuals own frame of reference?Character and communicationIf you want to interact effectively with and influence other people-your neighbor, boss, coworker, friend, spouse, child-you need to understand them. You cant do that with technique alone. The real key t
3、o your influence with other people is your example, your actual conduct. Your example flows naturally out of your character, or the kind of person you truly are.If your private performance doesnt square with your public performance, its hard for me to open up with you. I dont feel safe enough. If I
4、dont open up with you, if you dont understand me and my unique situation and feelings, you wont know how to advice or counsel me. So if you want to be really effective in the habit of interpersonal communication, you have to build the skills of empathic listening on a base of character that inspires
5、 openness and trust.Serious Listening Barriers“Seek first to understand is a very deep shift in paradigm. We typically seek first to be understood. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. Theyre either speaking or preparing to speak. They are fi
6、ltering everything through their own paradigms, reading autobiography into other peoples lives. For example: “Oh, I know exactly how you feel!“I went through the very same thing. Let me tell you about my experience.If they have a problem with someone, their attitude is, “That person just doesnt unde
7、rstand.A father once said, “I cant understand my kid. He just wont listen to me at all. Is the father right?Five levels of listeningWhen another person speaks, were usually “listening at one of the following four levels:Ignoring another person, not listening at all.Practice pretending, “Yeah. Uh-huh
8、. Right.Practice selective listening, hearing only certain parts.Practice attentive listening, paying attention and focusing on the words that are being said.Few of us practice the fifth level, the highest form of listening: empathic listening.Empathic listeningEmpathic listening means listening wit
9、h the intent to understand, seeking first to understand, to really understand.Empathic listening gets inside another persons frame of reference. You look out through it, you see the world the way they see the world, you understand their paradigm, you understand how they feel.Empathy is not sympathy.
10、 Sympathy is a form of agreement, a form of judgment.The essence of empathic listening is that you fully, deeply understand that person, emotionally as well as intellectually.In empathic listening, you listen with your ears, but also listen with your eyes and with your heart. You listen for feeling,
11、 for meaning and for behavior. You sense, you intuit, you feel.Why is empathic listening is do powerful?It gives you accurate data to work with. Instead of assuming thoughts, feelings, and interpretation, youre dealing with the reality inside another persons head and heart. Youre focused on receivin
12、g the deep communication of another human soul.It deeply therapeutic and healing because it gives a person “psychological air.Next to physical survival, the greatest need of a human being is psychological survival-to be understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, to be appreciated.When you listen w
13、ith empathy to another person, you give that person psychological air. And after that vital need is met, you can then focus on influencing or problem solving.Example 2Diagnose before you prescribeIf you dont have confidence in the diagnosis, you wont have confidence in the prescription.Seek first to
14、 understand is a correct principle evident in all areas of life. But it has its greatest power in the area of interpersonal relations.Four Autobiographical ResponsesWhen we listen, we tend to respond in one of four ways. We evaluate-either agree or disagree.We probe-ask questions from our own frame
15、of reference.We advise-give counsel based on our own experience.We interpret-try to figure out people, to explain their motives, behavior based on our own motives and behavior.See an example 3The Skills of Empathic Listening: four developmental stagesThe first stage: to mimic contentIt is the least
16、effective, however, it causes you to listen whats being said. You are paying attention to the words, but to understand, you want to do more.e.g. “Boy, Dad, Ive had it! School is for the birds!“Youve had it! You think the school is for the birds!The second stage: to rephrase the contentA little more
17、effective, but its still limited to the verbal communication. You put his meaning into your own words. You are thinking about what he said.e.g. “Boy, Dad, Ive had it! School is for the birds!“You dont want to go to school anymore.The third stage: reflect the feelingYou are not paying as much attenti
18、on to what hes saying as you are to the way he feels about what hes saying.e.g. “Boy, Dad, Ive had it! School is for the birds!“Youre feeling really frustrated.The fourth stage: rephrase the content and reflect the feelingThis stage includes both the second and the third stages.e.g. “Boy, Dad, Ive h
19、ad it! School is for the birds!“Youre really frustrated about school.As you authentically seek to understand, as you rephrase content and reflect feeling, you give him psychological air. You also help him work through his own thoughts and feelings. See example 4如何到达有效倾听1.认真准真准备，营造良好的造良好的环境境2.真真诚理智，消除主理智，消除主观障碍障碍 专注、认真对待 设身处地、运用同理心摒除偏见、对事不对人接受-先听完，最后才下判断不多说，不打断3. 主主动倾听，听，给予正面鼓励予正面鼓励微笑目光身体前倾做笔记4. 及及时时响响应应，提供，提供积积极反响极反响
