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1、第四届全国大学生“海伦斯诺翻译奖”竞赛（2012） Page 1 of 6汉译英海伦斯诺伦认为，她的一生与延安有着特殊的感情。她把延安描写成是一颗镶嵌在群山和城墙环抱之中的宝石，延安就像中国文明的哨兵。60年之后，当她回顾当年在延安的时光时，海伦这样写道：“时至今日，人们依然感到奇怪，一个年轻的美国女青年，居然成为整个延安历史的一部分。我写作的续西行漫记，是第一部关于延安的著作，而且在后来的许多年里，一直是唯一的一部”。Helen Snow considered that her whole life was specially connected to Yanan, a city, as s
2、he said, that glitters like a jewel embedded in the embrace of those mountains and ramparts or rather stands like a soldier guarding Chinas civilization. After 60 years, looking back on those days when she lived here（这里可以用的更简洁些我觉得可以换成in Yanan,这样更顺）, she wrote: “up to now, people are still wondering
3、why a young woman from America should take her stand in the history of Yanan.（参考译文中的be a part of Yanans history觉得更加切合， Inside Red China is a work, and has been for many years the only work that is about Yanan.”Helen Snow felt a special connection with Yan and described Yanan （译者似乎忘记了在英文中代词的作用，这里可以直接
4、用it）as set like a gem inside its wall and crown of hills, ( 群山用crown来比喻，似有不妥，毕竟皇冠和群山没有什么相似之处)adding that Yanan stood sentinal（延安不仅过去是中国文明的哨兵，以后将来也是，时态拿捏不准） for civilization. （中国文明的哨兵，译文直接将定语中国文明去掉，怕是不妥） Nearly（原文说的是60年之后，译文却加上了nearly，有不忠之嫌） 60 years later, looking back her time（time用的有些模糊，不如days更具体）
5、 in Yanan, she recalled, “It seems strange now that a young American woman should have become a part of Yanan story. My book, Inside Red China was the first on Yanan, for many years the only one.”海伦笔下的延安，特指“延安时期”的延安，也就是说，从长征结束的1936年起，到延安成为中国共产党的所在地，再到1945年第二次世界大战结束的这一段历史时期。这个阶段的时代精神，在她的笔下是“斯巴达式的自我牺牲
6、、基层民主、纯粹又纯洁的革命目标、革命精神和灵魂”。而这些时代特征，正是当年延安精神的体现。What Helen wrote about Yanan especially means the one in the “Yanan period”, that is, from 1936 when the Long March had ended to the day when Chinas Communist Party called it home and then to 1945 when the World War II stopped. And this period featured s
7、uch a spirit as she depicted: “to perform basic democracy and to sacrifice like Spartans with pure revolutionary aim, spirit and soul.”The Yanan story Helen spoke of was of the classical “Yanan period” which lasted from the end of December 1936 when the Long March ended and Yanan became the Communis
8、t capitol(拼写有误) to the end of world War II in 1945.（一句话之内译文在没有任何修辞的情况下三用end，味如嚼蜡） She decribed it as a time of Spartan self-sacrifice, grass-roots （连字符后面的名词应该是单数形式）democracy and the revolutionary purity of purpose and “soul”. The qualities（qualities在这里不知所云，指代不明） came to charactrize the （延安精神在这里已经是专有
9、名词，不比再用定冠词）Yanan Spirit. 毛泽东曾经说，他当时并没有精心选择长征的路线和长征的目标。落脚延安并获成功，其伟大在于必然而不是选择。红军开始长征时有10万优秀的战士，经过一年的长征，历经了一年的坚苦跋涉和浴血奋斗，走过了一万多英里的路程，穿过了可怕的草地和沼泽，终于胜利结束，到达了遥远的西北，到了位于古长城转弯处的中国文明的摇篮。长征结束时，只剩下不足3万名红军将士。应该说，长征中生还的人，是那些历经磨难后由弱变强的英雄！Mao Zedong admitted that he had not been completely sure about the route and
10、target of the Long March and its great success did not consist in what he chose but in what the soldiers did.这句挺好的，把原文的意思翻译出来了 At the beginning, they numbered more than 100,000 to brave the tough conditions ahead. （They fought, struggled and waded for one year at the sacrifice of more than 70 thousa
11、nd lives of them, covering more than 10 thousand miles of thick and thin,）非常顺 including those horrible swamps and marshes to reach this remote Northwest place-the cradle of Chinas civilization where the ancient Great Wall bends. 我觉得这句可以分成2句说。这样有的该强调的地方也可以显现出来Those who survived the Long March had all
12、 matured into tough heroes. Mao Zedong has said(既然是曾经说过的话，一般过去式即可，何况老人家已经过世多年，在用现在完成时恐有不妥) that he did not pick the root这个有一个拼写错误route （没有精心选择并不代表没有选择，概念不一样）of the Long March or its destination. Greatness was thrust upon Yanan by necessity这一句翻译意思偏差, not choice. Beginning the march with 100,000 over
13、a route of 6000 miles that wound through the terrible bogs of the Grasslands, （Beginning的逻辑主语应该是红军，至少应该是人，后面紧接的是the long march, 前后不一致，大忌）the Long March ended a year later “ right in the cradle of Chinese civilization protected in a curve of the Great Wall” （原文并未引用海伦的话，至少没有加引号，译文则加了引号，似有不妥）in the far
14、 Northwest. Less than 30000 of the marchers had survived. But it was said of those who lived through the Long March, “Those who had been weak are now strong.”（同样是原文没有引用，译文引用，译者的主观能动性过于强烈，更加值得指出的是，为了引用海伦的话，竟然使得整个句子没有真正的主干，没有真正的谓语动词，实在是不值得提倡）。当年，延安的生活非常艰难。肺结核等疾病普遍流行。海伦在书中写道：“在铺着砖的地面，栖居着各种昆虫，有相互争斗的，也有紧
15、紧拥挤在一起的”。这些昆虫小生物包括蝎子、蜈蚣、虱子还有跳蚤等，老鼠在木椽上来回奔跑，彻夜不休。她接着写道：“传播鼠疫的是跳蚤，而不是老鼠。这种致命的疾病，在地球上依然流行的地方已经不多了，而陕北却是其中之一。每到晚上，我常常饥饿得难以入睡，就啃几口干馒头”。海伦当年离开延安时，体重减少到不足40公斤。因为她染上了阿米巴痢疾和其他四种类似的疾病，不得不去接受医生的重点治疗。In those days after the Long March, life in Yanan was pretty hard. Diseases like tuberculosis were spreading. “O
16、n the brick floor inhabit many insects that are either fighting against each other or cuddling together.” Helen wrote in her book. These insects, to be exact, were scorpions, centipedes, lice, fleas, etc. Besides, rats also ran to and fro on the rafters the whole night. “It is the fleas rather than the rats that spread the plague, a disease that has been existing in only a few places of the world, including the Northern Shann
