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1、 .wd.ShameWho felt ashamed? And ashamed of what? Why did the narrator write about his calf love for the little girl? Whats the relationship between love and shame? Having understood these, you will have got the key to this story. 48I never learned hate at home, or shame. I had to go to school for th
2、at. I was about seven years old when I got my first big lesson. I was in love with a little girl named Helene Tucker, a light-complexioned little girl with pigtails and nice manners. She was always clean and she was smart in school. I think I went to school then mostly to look at her. I brushed my h
3、air and even got me a little old handkerchief. It was a ladys handkerchief, but I didnt want Helene to see me wipe my nose on my hand. The pipes were frozen again, there was no water in the house, but I washed my socks and shirt every night. Id get a pot, and go over to Mister Bens grocery store, an
4、d stick my pot down into his soda machine. Scoop out some chopped ice. By evening the ice melted to water for washing. I got stick a lot that winter because the fire would go out at night before the clothes were dry. In the morning Id put them on, wet or dry, because they were the only clothes I had
5、.Everybodys got a Helene Tucker, a symbol of everything you want. I loved her for her goodness, her cleanness, her popularity. Shed walk down my street and my brothers and sisters would yell, “Here comes Helene, and Id rub my tennis sneakers on the back of my pants and wish my hair wasnt so nappy an
6、d the white folks shirt fit me better. Id run out on the street. If I knew my place and didnt come too close, shed wink at me and say hello. That was a good feeling. Sometimes Id follow her all the way home, and shovel the snow off her walk and try to make friends with her Momma and her aunts. Id dr
7、op my money on her stoop late at night on my way back from shining shoes in the taverns. And she had a Daddy, and he had a good job. He was a paper hanger. 47I guess I would have gotten over Helene by summertime, but something happened in that classroom that made her face hang in front of me for the
8、 next twenty-two years. When I played the drums in high school it was for Helene and when I broke track records in college it was for Helene and when I started standing behind microphones and heard applause I wished Helene could hear it, too. It wasnt until I was twenty-nine years old and married an
9、d making money that I finally got her out of my system. Helene was sitting in that classroom when I learned to be ashamed of myself. It was on a Thursday. I was sitting in the back of the room, in a seat with a chalk circle drawn around it. The idiots seat, the trouble-makers seat. The teacher thoug
10、ht I was stupid. Couldnt spell, couldnt read, couldnt do arithmetic. Just stupid. Teachers were never interested in finding out that you couldnt concentrate because you were so hungry, because you hadnt had any breakfast. All you could think about was noontime, would it ever come? Maybe you could sn
11、eak into the cloakroom and steal a bite of some kids lunch out of a coat pocket. A bite of something. Paste. You cant really make a meal of paste, or put it on bread for a sandwich, but sometimes Id scoop a few spoonfuls out of the paste jar in the back of the room. Pregnant people get strange taste
12、s. I was pregnant with poverty. Pregnant with dirt and pregnant with smells that made people turn away, pregnant with cold and pregnant with shoes that were never bought for me, pregnant with five other people in my bed and no Daddy in the next room, and pregnant with hunger. Paste doesnt taste too
13、bad when you are hungry. 43The teacher thought I was a troublemaker. All she saw from the front of the room was a little black boy who squirmed in his idiots seat and made noises and poked the kids around him. I guess she could not see a kid who made noises because he wanted someone to know he was t
14、here.It was on a Thursday, The day before the Negro payday. The eagle always flew on Friday. The teacher was asking each student how much his father would give to the Community Chest. On Friday night, each kid would get the money from his father, and on Monday he would bring it to the school. I deci
15、ded I was going to buy me a Daddy right then. I had money in my pocket from shining shoes and selling papers, and whatever Helene Tucker pledged for her Daddy I was going to top it. And Id hand the money right in. I wasnt going to wait until Monday to buy me a Daddy.I was shaking, scared to death. T
16、he teacher opened her book and started calling out names alphabetically.“Helene Tucker“My daddy said hed give two dollars and fifty cents .“Thats very nice, Helene. Very, very nice indeed.That made me feel pretty good. I wouldnt take too much to top that. I had almost three dollars in dimes and quarters in my pocket. I stuck my han
