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1、英语笑话【Laughter】 Recently,I received a call from a woman who wanted to replace some chair of a dining set bought from us in the 1930s.I assured her we could help and sought the assistance of the office manager.“Youll never beileve this one,”I told the office manager.“I just got a call from a customer
2、who bought some chair from us in the 1930s.”Before I could finish,he interrupted and said,“Dont tell me she hasnt received them yet!”最近，我接到一个妇女的电话。她上个世纪30年代从我们这里买了一套餐厅家具，现在想来换一些椅子。我跟她说我们可以帮忙，并向部门经理提了出来。“你肯定不会相信，”我对部门经理说，“我刚接到一个顾客的电话，她在30年代就从我们这买了一些椅子。”我还没来得及说完，经理就打断我说：“不要告诉我她到现在还没有收到货啊！”Man:Why did
3、you make women so beautiful?God:So that you will love them.Man:But why did you make them so dumb?God:So that they will lov you.男子：你为什么让女人生得那么美？上帝：这样你才会爱上她们呀！男子：可你为什么又让女人那么笨呢？上帝：这样她们才会爱上你呀！Father:Is the school closed today?Son:No,Dad.Its poen.I came home early.Father:How did you do that?Son:I told my
4、 teacher I had a new baby brother and had to come home and help you.Father:But your mother has had twins.Youve got a baby brother and a baby sister.Son:Yes,I know,Dad.Im saving up my baby sister for next week.父亲：今天学校放假了吗？儿子：没有，爸爸。我提前回来了。父亲：为什么？儿子：我跟老师说，我有一个小弟弟，我得回家帮你。父亲：但是你妈妈生了双胞胎，你有一个小弟弟和一个小妹妹。儿子：是
5、的，我知道，爸爸，我要等下个星期再说我有个小妹妹了。After waiting over 3 frustrating hours at the airport for the arrival of a plane that had been delayed for take-off, a man approached the boarding desk and asked for an arrival-time update.He was concerned because he was meeting his nephew and this was the boys 1st flight.H
6、ow old is the boy?the airline representative asked solicitously.He was 6 when he left for the airport,the man replied sharply.因飞机起飞延误，一个人在机场等着接人已3个小时了。他走近问询处打听飞机到达时间的最新消息。他非常着急，因为他是来接侄子的，而侄子是第一次乘飞机。“男孩多大了？”航空公司的人关心的问。“他出发去机场时6岁。”他毫不客气地回答。Dear God:I bet it is very hard to love everyone in the whole w
7、orld.there are only 4 people in our family and Im havingf a hard time loving all of them.亲爱的上帝：我猜爱世界上每一个人是很困难的事。我家只有4个人，可我爱他们都很难。Three fastest means of communcation:1.Tele-Phone 2.Tele-Vision 3.Tele-a Woman For faster transmission-Tell her not to tell anybody.三种最快的传播方式：1.电话 2.电视 3.告诉女人 如果想要传播更快，告诉她别
8、跟任何人说。Customer:Everyday you charge me money for a cup of coffee.It will be wonderful if you serve me coffee free of charge today.Waiter:Sir,everyday you drink coffee from a filled cup.Itwill be wonderful if youdrink it from an empty cup today.顾客：你每天都收我咖啡的钱，要是今天不收就太好了。服务员：先生，你每天都从盛满咖啡的杯子里喝咖啡，要是今天从空杯子
9、里喝就好了。Attorney:She had 3 children,right?Witness:Yes.Attorney:How many were boys?Witness:None.Attorney:Were there any girls?律师：她有3个孩子，是吗？证人：是的。律师：几个男孩？证人：没有男孩。律师：有女孩吗？John:Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat?Father:Have I not told you never to mention such things during meals!Mother:Why did you ask t
10、he question,John?John:Its because I saw one on daddys on daddys lettuce,but now its gone.约翰：爸爸，毛毛虫能吃吗?爸爸：我没告诉过你不能在吃饭时说这些吗？妈妈：你为什么问这个呢，约翰？约翰：因为我看到爸爸的生菜里有一只，不过现在没了。A man goes to a chemist and asks for a cure hiccps.The chemistmakes the man bend over and gives him a hard slap on his back andasks,Have t
11、hey gone?The man replied,I dont know,my wifes in the car but Ill check. 一个男人去问药剂师怎么治打嗝。要及时让他弯下腰，然后狠狠地在他背上拍了一下问：“还打嗝吗？”男人回答：“我不知道，我老婆在车里，我去看看。”In a hospital waiting room:Smoking help you lose weightone lung at a time!医院候诊室：吸烟有助于减肥，一次减一个肺。A lady noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale,sucki
12、ng in his stomach.Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver,she commented,I dont think thats going to help.Sure it will,he said.Its the only way I can see the numbers.一个女人看见丈夫使劲收腹站在体重秤上，以为他想称得轻一点，就说：“没用的。”丈夫说：“当然有用，这样我才能看到秤上的数字。”A successful man is one who makes more money than his wif
13、e can spend .A successful woman is one who can find such a man.成功的男人是赚的钱比老婆花的钱多的人，成功的女人是能找到这样的男人的人。Customer:Ive been ringing 07002300 for 2 days and cant get through to enquiries,can you help?Operator:Where did you get that number form,sir?Customer:It was on the door to the Travel Centre.Operator:Si
14、r,they are our opening hours.顾客：我拨07002300拨了两天都没人接，怎么回事呀？接线员：先生，请问您在哪看到这个号码的？顾客：旅行社门上。接线员：先生，那是我们的营业时间。Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.结婚是幻想战胜了智慧，二婚是希望战胜了经验。Tom:How should I convery the news to my father that I have fail
15、ed my exams again?David:You just send a telegram:Result declared,past years performance repeated.汤姆：我怎么跟我爸爸说考试挂了呢？大卫：发个电报：结果已出，去年成绩在现。Friend:How many women do you believe a man must marry?Mr.Bean:16. Friend:Why?Mr.Bean:Because the priest say 4 (for)richer,4 poorer,4 better and 4 worse. 朋友：你认为男人应该娶几个女人？憨豆先生：16个。朋友：为什么？憨豆先生：因为牧师说4个富的，4个穷的，4个好的，4个坏的。Can I go to the theatre?asked a mosquito to her mother.Yes,but be aware and pay attention during the applause.“我可以去电影院吗？”一只蚊子问妈妈。“可以，但是要小心，观众鼓掌的时候可要留神。”A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the doo
