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1、小学英语小笑话1)TOMS EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, School-Go Slow. 汤姆的借口 老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？ 汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着：学校-慢行。 DID YOUR DAD. 小学英语小笑话2)Tom call Jims name:I cant bear such a foolish! and Jim say:You mother could (bear)! 汤
2、姆对着吉姆骂道:我受不了你这个苯蛋了! 吉姆说:你妈妈能! 附:bear 有两重意思:生和忍受这个笑话正是根据这点. 小学英语小笑话4)A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: God, what is a million dollars to you? and God says: A penny, then the man says: God, what is a million years to you? and God says: a second, then the man says: God, can I hav
3、e a penny? and God says In a second 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?上帝回答:一便士.男子又问:那一百万年呢?上帝说:一秒钟.最后男子请求道:上帝,我能得到一便士吗?上帝回答:过一秒钟. 小学英语小笑话5)Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?” “Yes,Mum.
4、”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.” 一盒小火柴 妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？” “是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。” 小学英语小笑话6)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn. Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing! 开车 父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。 苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也
5、这么转了。 小学英语小笑话7)Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered. “Youer a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?” “She is the one who sel
6、ls the candy.” 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆。”他回答说。“你真是一个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说. “再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” 小学英语小笑话8)Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What happened?” “A kid bit me,”replied Ivan. “Would you recognize him if you sew him again?”asked his mother. “I
7、d know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.” 他的耳朵在我的衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口。”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里。” 小学英语小笑话9)Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot
8、 point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。 老师：请说说看。 学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。小学英语小笑话10)He is really somebody - My uncle has 1000 men under him. - He
9、is really somebody. What does he do? - A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 - 我叔叔下面有1000个人。 - 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？ - 墓地守墓人。Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.Look, said the elder brother. How nice these paintings are!Yes, said the younger, but in all these paintings there is only t
10、he mother and the children. Where is the father?The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, Obviously he was painting the pictures.兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”哥哥想了一会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”Two Pieces of CakeTom: Mom, can I have two pieces of
11、cake, please?Mom: Certainly - take this piece and cut it two!两块蛋糕汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗？妈妈：当然可以-拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧！A Girls NameWhen our daughter was born, we named her Myles, after my beloved late（已故的） father, despite family warning that the name was too masculine（男性的） .Years later, when I felt she was old enoug
12、h to understand, I explained to Myles, Your name is very special. I named you after my own father because I loved him very much. I know he would be proud of you.Myles thought carefully about this and then said, I know all that, Mom. But I dont understand why my grandfather had a girls name.女孩的名字女儿出生
13、时，我们给她取名叫迈尔斯，和我深爱的也已过世的父亲同一个名字，不过家人提醒这个名字太男性化了。几年以后，我觉得迈尔斯已经长大，能够懂事了。我对她解释说：你的名字很特别。我给你取了一个和我爸爸一样的名字，因为我非常爱他。我相信他会为你而深感自豪的。迈尔斯很仔细地想了一下，然后说道：这些我都懂，妈妈。可是我不知道外公为什么会有一个女孩子的名字。On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The sma
14、llest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were taller so that they would not have to stand on their toes all the time.在观看完芭蕾舞表演回家的路上，幼儿园老师问学生的观后感。班上最小的女孩说，她希望舞蹈演员可以长得更高一点儿，那么他们就不用整天踮着脚尖了。Mother asked her little boy, Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?Nothing, Mum, answered the s
15、on proudly, instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three.母亲问她年幼的儿子：宝贝，今天老师教了你些什么？ 儿子骄傲地说：什么都没教，妈妈。她反倒问我一加二等于几，我告诉她等于三。The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.Its all right, said a gentleman, dont be afraid. Dont you know the proverb: Barking dogs dont bite?Ah, yes, answered the little boy. I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：吠狗不咬人。”“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”One day, the father lets eight year-old
