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1、ParentingandChildrensDevelopmentThefamilyisaplaceinwhichchildrenlearntointerpretreality.Parentsserveassignificantinterpretersforchildrenofinformationabouttheworldandchildren#39;sabilities.Theyarechildrensfirstteachers.Parentswanttheirchildrentogrowintosociallymatureindividuals,andtheymayfeelfrustrat
2、edintryingtodiscoverthebestwaytoaccomplishthisdevelopment.Parentingstylesarebroadpatternsofchildrearingpractices,values,andbehaviors.AccordingtoDianaBaumrind,fourtypesofparentingstylesareindulgent(moreresponsivethandemanding),authoritarian(highlydemandinganddirectivebutnotresponsive),authoritative(b
3、othdemandingandresponsive),andindulgent(lowinresponsivenessanddemandingness)Childrenfromauthoritarianfamilyareoftenaggressive,fearful,andanxious,theyoftenhaveweakcommunicationskills.Childrenassociatedwithauthoritativeparenting,arehappy,cheerful,self-controlledandcopewithstress.Childrenfromindulgentf
4、amilyareaggressive,spoiled,andnoncompliant,theyhavedifficultiesinpeerrelations.Childrenassociatedwithneglectfulparentingarelackofself-control,socialincompetenceanddelinquency.Childrensemotionsareoftenaffectedbyparenting.Parentsarekidsfirstimportantteachers.AccordingtoJohnGottman,“Parentsarekidsemoti
5、oncoachers,andtheyteachtheirkidsstrategiestodealwithlifesupsanddowns.EvenmorethanIQ,emotionalawarenessandabilitytohandlefeelingswilldetermineonessuccessandhappinessinallwalksoflife,includingfamilyrelationships”(P20-21).Soitsveryimportanttousegoodparentingathome.Authoritativeparentingsisthebestparent
6、ingstyle,becauseitisgoodforchildrensemotiondevelopment,andbecauseauthoritativeparentsacknowledgetheirchildrensfeelingsandacceptthemunconditionally,theycansetacceptablestandards,andtheyhelptopromotechildrensindependence.Authoritativeparentscanunderstandtheirchildrensfeelingandteachthemhowtoregulateth
7、em.Theyoftenhelpthemtofindappropriateoutletstosolveproblems.JohnGottmansaid,“Theydontignoreordenytheirkidsfeelings.Nordotheybelittleorridiculetheirchildrenforemotionalexpression”(P38).Theyhaveknowledgeoftheirchildrensfeeling.Forexample,mysonfeltverysadandworriedwhenheheardhisbestfriendwouldmovetoano
8、thercity.Hetalkedtomeaboutthat:“Mybestfriendwillmovenextmonth.WhomcanIplaywith?”Iunderstoodhisfeeling,andsaid,“Imsorrytohearthat.Dontworry.Hisnewhomeisnotfarfromhere.Wecanvisithimandhecancomebacktovisitus.Also,youcanmakeanothergoodfriend.Youwillfacelotsofseparationinyourlife.Youshouldbestrong.”Ialso
9、toldhimaboutmysadness.Aftertalking,hefeltbetterandbegantoknowhowtohandlethiskindofsituation.Authoritativeparentshaveastrongawarenessoftheirownemotionsandthoseoftheirlovedone.JohnGottmanbelieves,“Theycanseevalueintheirchildrensnegativeemotions;theyhavemorepatiencewhentheirchildrenareangry,sad,orfearf
10、ul.”(P40).Authoritativeparentsareconcernedabouttheirkids.Theyseemtobewillingtospendtimewithacryingorfretfulchild,listeningtotheirworries,empathizingwiththem,lettingthemwenttheiranger,orjustcryitout.Theyareresponsibleparents.Authoritativeparentsprovideawarmandfriendlyfamilyclimate.Thereisgoodcommunic
11、ationbetweenparentsandchildreninauthoritativefamily.Goodcommunicationhelpschildrenandparentstodevelopconfidence,feelingsofself-worth,andgoodrelationshipswithothers.Oneofourmostimportantresponsibilitiesasparentsistolistentoourchildren,hearingnotonlytheirwords,butalsothefeelingsbehindtheirwords.Whenpa
12、rentstalktothechildren,theymustshowgreatrespectfortheirchildrensfeelings.Theymustfeelwhattheirchildrenarefeeling.Ginottbelieved:“Statementsofunderstandingshouldprecedestatementsofadvice”(P44).Hediscouragedparentsfromtellingchildrenwhattheyoughttofeel,becausethatsimplymakeschildrendistrusttheirfeelin
13、gs.Hesaidkidsemotionsdonotdisappearwhenparentssay,“Dontfeelthatway,”Hebelievedthatwhilenotallbehaviorisacceptable,allfeelingsandwishesareacceptable.Therefore,parentsshouldsetlimitsonacts,butnotemotionsanddesires,becausecommunicationaboutemotionscanserveasawayforparentstoteachtheirchildrenvalues.Authoritativeparentsalsoexpectmature,promoteindependenceandappropriatebehaviorofchildren.Theyteachchildrentocalmdownandfocusattention.Whentheycalmdown,theycanconcentrateinfindingwaystosolvetheproblems.Psychologistssaypeopleareveryeasytolosecontrolwhentheygetmad,soitisvery
