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1、Unit4The following text is extracted from Marriages and Families by Nijole V Ben okraitis. The book has bee n used as a text book for sociology courses and wome n studies in a number of universities in the United States. It highlights important con temporary cha nges in society and the family and ex
2、plores the choices that are available to family members, as well as the constraints that many of us do not recog ni ze. It exam ines the diversity of America n families today, using cross-cultural and multicultural comparis ons to en courage creative thinking about the many critical issues that conf
3、ront the family of the twenty fist cen tury.Love and Loving RelationshipsNijole V. Ben okraitis1. Love-as both an emotion and a behavior-is essential for human survival- The family is usually our earliest and most important source of love and emotional support. Babies and childre n deprived of love
4、have bee n known to develop a wide variety of problems- for example, depression, headaches, physiological impairme nts, and n eurotic and psychosomatic difficulties- that sometimes last a lifetime. In contrast, infants who are loved and cuddled typically gain more weight, cry less, and smile more. B
5、y five years of age, they have bee n found to have sig nifica ntly higher IQs and to score higher on Ian guage tests.2. Much research shows that the quality of care infants receive affects how they later get along with frie nds, how well they do in school, how they react to new and possibly stressfu
6、l situations, and how they form and maintain loving relati on ships as adults. It is for these reas ons that peoples early in timate relati on ships within their family of origi n are so critical. Childre n who are raisedin impers onal en vir onments (orpha nage, some foster homes, or unloving famil
7、ies) show emotional and social underdevelopment, language and motor skills retardati on, and men tal health problems.3. Love for on eself, or self-love, is also esse ntial for our social and emoti onal developme nt. Actress Mae West once said, I n ever loved ano ther pers on the way I loved myself.
8、Although such a stateme nt may seem self-ce ntered, its actually quite in sightful Social scie ntists describe self-love as an importa nt oasis for selfesteem. Among other things, people who like themselves are more open to criticism and less demanding of others. Fromm (1956) saw self-love as aneces
9、saryprerequisite for loving others. People who dont like themselves may not be able to retur n love but may con sta ncy seek love relatio nships to bolster their own poor self-images. But just what is love? What brings people together?4. Love is an elusive con cept. We have all experie need love and
10、 feel we know what it is; however, when asked what love is, people give a variety of answers.Accord ing to a nine- year-old boy, for example, Love is like an avala nche where you have to run for your life. What we mean by love depe nds on whether we are talk ing about love for family members, frie n
11、ds, or lovers. Love has bee n a source of in spirati on, wry witticisms, and eve n political acti on for many cen turies.5. Love has many dimensions. It can be romantic, exciting, obsessive, and irrati on al- It can also be plat onic, cal ming, altruistic, and sen sible. Many researchers feel that l
12、ove defies a sin gle defi niti on because it varies in degree and inten sity and across social con texts. At the very least, three eleme nts aren ecessary for a lovi ng relati on ship: (1) a willi ngn ess to please and accommodate the other person, even if this invoIves compromise and sacrifice; (2)
13、 an acceptanee of the other persons faults and shortcomings; and (3) as much concern about the loved on es welfare as on es own. And, people who say they are in love emphasize cari ng, in timacy, and commitme nt.6. In any type of love, cari ng about the other pers on is esse ntial. Although love may
14、, invo Ive passi on ate year ning, respect is a more importa nt quality. Respect is in here nt in all love: I want the loved pers on to grow and unfold for his own sake, and in his own ways, and not for the purpose of serv ing me. If respect and cari ng are miss ing, the relati on ship is not based
15、on love. In stead, it is an un healthy or possessivedepe nden cythat limits the lovers social, emoti on al, and in tellectual growth.7. Love, especially Ion g-term love, has no thi ng in com mon with the images of love or .fre nzied sex that we get from Hollywood, televisi on, and roma nee no vels.
16、Becauseof these images, many people believe a variety of myths about love. These misconceptions often lead to unrealistic expectations, stereotypes, and disillusionment. In fact, real love is closer to what one author called stirri ng-the-oatmeal love (Joh nson 1985). This type of love is n either excit ing nor thrilli ng but is relatively mundane and unroman tic. It means pay ing bills, putting out the garbage, scrubbing toilet bowls, being up all
