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1、幽默对话Teacher: “Tommie, what do you know about the Dead Sea?” Tommie: “I didnt even know it was ill.” Teacher: “Here is a world map. Who can show us America?”(Tom goes to the map and finds America on it. )Teacher: “Now, tell me, boys, who found America?” Pupils: “Tom.” A boy was wondering about a phot
2、ograph in a newspaper. It showed a group of happy and cheerful children carrying schoolbags with the caption at the bottom: “On Their Way to School”. “I think its mistaken. They must be on their way home after class, Im sure!” the boy concluded.Geography teacher: “What is the consequence of the brea
3、king up of the former Soviet Union?” Student: “It means that we have more names of new countries to remember.” Math teacher: “Now remember, class, statistics dont lie, For example, if twelve men could build a house in one day, one man could build the same house in 12 days. Do you understand what I m
4、ean? Jack, give me an example.” Jack: “You mean that if one boat could cross the ocean in six days, six boats could cross the same ocean in one day.” Biology teacher: “Johnnie, can you give a familiar example of the human body that adapts itself to changed conditions?” Johnnie: “Yes, maam. My aunt g
5、ained 50 pounds in a year, and her skin never cracked.” Teacher: “Can you give me a good example of how heat expands things and cold contracts them?” Student: “Well, the days are much longer in the semmer than in winter.”Mary has been going to primary school for a week. At the end of the first week
6、her father asked her: “Which period do you like best at school, dear?” May thought for a while and answered: “I like the break period best.”During the final examination, some pupils were so eager to answer the questions that they forgot to fill in the blanks for the class, name, date, etc. on the fr
7、ont page of the examination paper. The teacher considered it necessary to remind them of filling all the blanks. She declared: “Now, attention please! Fill in all the blanks before you do the questions.” “Shall I fill the blank for the marks?” one pupil asked. A teacher was asking a pupil in her cla
8、ss.” Tommie, how many persons are there in the classroom?” “Forty-one, including you, maam, ”Tommie answered.” Then, how many are left when I go out?” the teacher asked again.” None, madam.”“What do you think of the relationship between deceit, failure and success?” the 1st pupil asked the 2nd pupil
9、. “I think deceit will lead to failure,” the second answered. “Yes, ”the first pupil went on,” but failure is the mother of success.” “So no deceit, no success, ”concluded the 1st pupil. Teacher: “Why are you often late for school?” Student: “Because the sign said: School Zone, Go Slow!”Phys. teache
10、r: “Which travels faster, heat or cold?” Student: “Heat. You can catch cold.”Math. teacher: “Now we find that X is equal to zero. “Student: “Gee!All that work for nothing!”Chem. teacher: “Can you tell me anything about the great chemists of the 19th century?”Student: “They are all dead, sir.”Music t
11、eacher: “Who is the famous tenor in our city? And who is the famous bass?”Student: “When my father denou- nces me, he is a famous tenor. When he speaks to my mother, he is a bass.”“Who was the first President of the United States?” a history teacher asked one of her student. The student thought for
12、a long time, but didnt say any-thing. Then the teacher got angry and shouted, ”George Washington!” “Come back!” the teacher said, ”I didnt tell you to go.” “Oh, Im sorry,” the student said, ”I thought you called the next student.”Medical prof: “What would you do in the case of a person eating poisoo
13、us mushrooms ?”Student: “Recommend a change of diet.” Literature prof. : “Tell me one or two things about John Milton.” Student: “Well he got married and he wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.English prof. : “What is the difference be- tween an ac- tive verb and a
14、 passive verb ?Stud. : “An active verb shows ac- tion and a pa- ssive verb shows passion. “Grammar teacher: “A noun is the name of a per- son or a thing. Now, who can give me a noun ?”First pupil: “A cow.” Teacher: “Very good. Another noun?”Second pupil: “Another cow.”Prof. : “Before we begin the ex
15、amination are there any questions?”Stud. : “Whats the name of this course?”First student: “Did the music teacher act- ually say your voice was hea- venly?”Second student: “Well, she did say it was u- nearthly.” First student: “Which is the longest word in the English Language?”Second student: “I don
16、t know. Would you like to tell me what it is?”First student: Its “smiles”. Second student: “That isnt very long. Only six letters.” First student: “But there is a mile between the first and the last letters.Teacher: “Can you tell me what a fish-net is made of?”Pupil: “A lot of little holes tied together.”Once two pu-pils were tal-king about thesun and the moon. “Which of themis more useful?”asked
