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1、当好称职父母的十大原则Slideshow: 10 Principles of Good Parenting引言养育一种快乐健康的孩子既是父母一项最具挑战性的工作之一，也是一项最故意义的工作之一。然而我们许多父母却不得要领。我们也许仅凭直觉或从我们父母哪儿学来的措施来管教孩子，而不顾其效果如何。坦普尔大学出名心理学专家Laurence Steinberg博士撰写的对的养育孩子的十大基本原则一书，集75年的社会科学研究之大成，为我们提供了某些技巧和指南。如作者所言，遵循这些原则，你便可以避免孩子浮现多种各样的行为问题。Introduction to Healthy ParentingRaising
2、 a happy, healthy child is one of the most challenging and rewarding jobs a parent can have. Yet many of us dont approach parenting with the same focus we would use for a job. We may act on our gut reactions or just use the same parenting techniques our own parents used, whether or not these were ef
3、fective parenting skills. In his book The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting, Laurence Steinberg, PhD, a distinguished professor of psychology at Temple University in Philadelphia, provides tips and guidelines based on some 75 years of social science research. Follow them and you can avert all s
4、orts of child behavior problems, he says.你的所作所为至关重要无论是你的自言自行还是接人待物的方式，都是你孩子学习的对象。“这是最为重要的原则之一，你的言行也许可以产生截然不同的成果。不要一时冲动，要扪心自问：我究竟想做什么？又能否达到预期成果？” Steinberg解释道。What You Do MattersWhether its your own health behaviors or the way you treat other people, your children are learning from what you do. This
5、is one of the most important principles, Steinberg explains. What you do makes a difference.Dont just react on the spur of the moment. Ask yourself, What do I want to accomplish, and is this likely to produce that result?爱无止境Steinberg在书中写道：“显而易见，爱不也许宠坏孩子。大多数状况下，孩子被宠坏绝不是孩子接受太多爱的成果。而常常是父母用其她的东西替代了爱，如惩
6、罚不严、盼望不高或物质财富。”You Cannot Be Too LovingIt is simply not possible to spoil a child with love, Steinberg writes. What we often think of as the product of spoiling a child is never the result of showing a child too much love. It is usually the consequence of giving a child things in place of love - thi
7、ngs like leniency, lowered expectations, or material possessions.参与孩子生活“参与到孩子的生活中去，是一件既费时又费力的事情。这意味着需要重新考虑和安排你的重要事情，这也意味着也许会时常为了孩子而牺牲自己想做的事情，涉及身心两方面的事情。” 参与孩子生活绝不是代劳孩子的家庭作业，而是改正家庭作业的错误。“家庭作业是教师用来理解孩子与否学习的工具。如果你为孩子代劳，则是不让教师理解到孩子与否学习。”Be Involved in Your Childs LifeBeing an involved parent takes time
8、and is hard work, and it often means rethinking and rearranging your priorities. It frequently means sacrificing what you want to do for what your child needs to do. Be there mentally as well as physically.Being involved does not mean doing a childs homework - or correcting it. Homework is a tool fo
9、r teachers to know whether the child is learning or not, Steinberg says. If you do the homework, youre not letting the teacher know what the child is learning.让你的养育措施适合孩子与孩子的发育成长保持同步。孩子逐渐长大，要关注孩子年龄增长对其行为的影响。“对自立的向往使得3岁小孩总是在说不，也会使她接受自己使用厕所的训练；与之类似，处在智力迅速发育的13岁孩子在课堂上头脑里布满奇思怪想，同样的因素也会使她在餐桌上口枪舌剑。”Adapt
10、Your Parenting to Fit Your ChildKeep pace with your childs development. Your child is growing up. Consider how age is affecting the childs behavior.The same drive for independence that is making your 3-year-old say no all the time is whats motivating him to be toilet trained, writes Steinberg. The s
11、ame intellectual growth spurt that is making your 13-year-old curious and inquisitive in the classroom also is making her argumentative at the dinner table.建立规则“你如果在孩子小的时候没有控制她的行为，那么当她长大后不在你身边时，她将难以学会自我控制。任何时候，你都应当可以回答下列三个问题：我的孩子在哪儿？我的孩子跟谁在一起？我的孩子在做什么？孩子从你哪儿所养成的规则将影响她的自律规则。”“但是，对孩子不能事无巨细。当她们是中学生时，应当
12、让她们自己独立完毕家庭作业，做出她们自己选择，不要干预。”Establish and Set RulesIf you dont manage your childs behavior when he is young, he will have a hard time learning how to manage himself when he is older and you arent around. Any time of the day or night, you should always be able to answer these three questions: Where
13、is my child? Who is with my child? What is my child doing? The rules your child has learned from you are going to shape the rules he applies to himself.But you cant micromanage your child, Steinberg notes. Once theyre in middle school, you need to let the child do their own homework, make their own
14、choices, and not intervene.鼓励孩子独立“设定限制有助于培养孩子的自控意识，鼓励独立则有助于培养孩子的自我导向意识。要想孩子拥有成功人生，两者不可或缺。”孩子争取自主是正常行为。“许多父母错误地将孩子的独立等同于叛逆，孩子争取自立是谋求控制而非被别人控制的感受，这是人类天性的一部分。”Foster Your Childs IndependenceSetting limits helps your child develop a sense of self-control. Encouraging independence helps your child develo
15、p a sense of self-direction. To be successful in life, hes going to need both. Its normal for children to push for autonomy, says Steinberg. Many parents mistakenly equate their childs independence with rebelliousness or disobedience. Children push for independence because it is part of human nature
16、 to want to feel in control rather than to feel controlled by someone else.始终如一“如果你制定的规则朝令夕改、虎头蛇尾，那么孩子浮现的不当行为则是你的过错，而非孩子。你最为重要的纪律工具就是始终如一，要亮明你不可商量的态度。你的权威性越多地基于脑子而非拳头，你的孩子对权威性的挑战就会越少。”Be ConsistentIf your rules vary from day to day in an unpredictable fashion or if you enforce them only intermittently, your childs misbehavior is your fault,
