科普版三年级下册英语 小学生英文笑话

Dead Goldfish Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?" "My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Tim patted down the last heap of earth, then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat." Team Spirit At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain it to your mother." Ugly Face Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that. Johnny looked up and replied, Well, Ms. Smith, you cant say you werent warned. Two Cows A farmer had a brown cow and a white cow, and he wanted to get them bred, so he borrowed his neighbor's bull and turned it loose in the pasture. He told his son to watch and tell him when the bull was finished. After a while the boy came into the living room where his father was talking to some friends. "Say, Pop", said the boy. "Yes", replied the father. "The bull has just screwed the brown cow!". There was a sudden silence in the conversation. The father asked his friends to excuse him for a moment, took his son outside and said: "Son, you musn't use language like that, especially in front of company. You should say that the bull 'surprised' the cow. now go and watch and tell me when the bull 'surprises' the white cow". The father went back inside the house. After a while the boy came back and said "Hey, Daddy!". "Yes, son, did the bull 'surprise' the white cow"? "He sure did, Pop! he screwed the brown cow again!" Wake Up!_ A teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student's neighbor, "Hey wake that student up!" The neighbor yells back, "You put him to sleep, you wake him up!" Sick In Church A little girl and her mother were in church when the girl started to feel ill. "Mommy, can we leave now?" asked the girl. "No." replied Mom. "I think I'm gonna throw up." "Well go out the front door, walk around the back of the church and throw up behind a bush." A few moments later the girl returned to her seat. "Did you throw up?" asked Mom. "Yes." "How could you have gone all the way around the church, throw up and be back here so soon?" "I didn't even have to go outside. They have a box right by the front door that says 'for the sick'." Sunday School There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him. Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong. The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this baby.'' So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "You should put him into a mental institution." ''Why?' asked the head nurse. "Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts." Birds And Bees Little Johnny's father asked him, "Do you know about the birds and the bees?" "I don't want to know!" little Johnny said, bursting into tears. Confused, the father asked little Johnny what was wrong. "Oh dad," Little Johnny sobbed, "At age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to live for!" Baby Belly A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office. He inquisitively ask the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?" She replied, "Im having a baby." With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?" She said, "He sure is." Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?" She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby." With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked... "Then why did you eat him?" Staying Fat A little boy wakes up three nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents' bedroom. Finally, one