《《英语短笑话》word版》由会员分享，可在线阅读，更多相关《《英语短笑话》word版（10页珍藏版）》请在金锄头文库上搜索。
1、Ive Just Bitten My Tongue Are we poisonous? the young snake asked his mother. Yes, dear, she replied - Why do you ask? Cause Ive just bitten my tongue! 我刚咬破自己的舌头 “我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。 “是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？” “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。” Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of he
2、r pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. What kind of bird? my sister asked. I didnt see the bird, ma am, only the nest, replied the child. Then, can you give us a description of the nest? my sister encouraged her . Well, maam, it just resembles your hair. .鸟窝与头发 我姐
3、姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。 “是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。 “我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。 “那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。 “哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。” Bring me the winner - Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. - Im sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. - Well, bring me the winner then. 给我那个打赢的吧 - 服务员， 这个龙虾只有一只爪。 - 对不起，
4、先生，这只肯定打过架了。 - 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。 Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunts house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes. The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the ki
5、tchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, Now heres a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman. Like a gentleman? Dick asked. How do gentlemen do it? They always give the bigger piece to the other person.
6、answered his aunt at once. Oh said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,Cut this cake in half, Catherine. 迪克年龄七岁，他的凯瑟琳五岁。一天，妈妈把他们带到姨妈家去玩，自己就到大城市去买些新的衣服。 孩子们玩了个把小时，在四点半的时候，姨妈领着迪克走进了厨房。她交给迪克一块精美的蛋糕和一把刀子，并对他说：“喏，迪克，给你刀子，把这块蛋糕一切为二，给你一块。不过，你得记
7、住要做得像一个绅士那样。” 迪克问：“像一个绅士？绅士怎样做呢？” 他姨妈马上回答说：“绅士总是把大的一块让给别人的。” 迪克说了一声“噢”。他对此想了一会，然后，他把蛋糕拿给，并对她说：“凯瑟琳，你来把这块蛋糕一切为二吧。” Im Trying to Stop It “Im sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boys tooth .” “Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only f
8、our dollars for such work!” “Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .” “对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。” “20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。” “是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。” Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected? No, sir, but you said yesterday th
9、at everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it. “孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？” “没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。” The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:Let me ask the evolutionist a questio
10、n - if we had tails like a baboon, where are they? Ill venture an answer, said an old lady. We have worn them off sitting here so long.hey Are Directly from America Not long after an old Chinese women came back to china from her visit to her daughter in the Sates, she went to a city bank to deposit
11、the U.S. dollars her daughter give her . At the bank counter ,the money was real.It mady out of patience.At last she couid not hold any more, uttering :“trust me, Sir, and trustthe money .They are real U.S. dollars. They.are directly from America. ” 汉译： 真美钞 一位中国老妇人到美国去看望女儿回来不久，到一家银行取存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，
12、银行职员认真仔细的检查了每一张钞票看，是否有假。这种做法使老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，是从美国直接带来的。” He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: Thats too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆
13、：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？ 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。 I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, What happened? A kid bit me, replied Ivan. Would you recognize him if you saw him again? asked his mother. Id know him any where, said Ivan. I h
14、ave his ear in my pocket. 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday? I gave it to a poor old woman, he answered. Youre a good bo
15、y, said the mother proudly. Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman? She is the one who sells the candy. 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, Whats the meaning of the word Drunk, dad? W
