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1、 批改 By Will本次批改严格按照 ILETS 大作文评分标准进行。ILETS 大作文评分项：TR (论证扣题度), CC (连贯性及一致性), GRA (语法范围及精准度), LR (词汇资源)。文末会进行总评及打分。文中标识：用词不当 逻辑错误 语法错误 修改添加科技发展的弊端Version 21112 科技类（科技进步带来的利弊）Technologies have developed very fast in the past 100 years. However, some people think that technological progress has brought n
2、egative effects on the humanity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experienceWrite at least 250 wordsNowadays, with the rate of economy and the development of technology, people in the p
3、ublic have a high level lifestyle (表述不当，改为 have led a better and more convenient life). (添加连词 However,) Everything has its good and bad sides, the science still brought some negative effects on humanity. I agree with this issue (用词不当 opinion) and there are some reasons to explain it.One point is thi
4、s (可换更加常用的连词，例First and for most,), technical development can make (用词不当，可改为 cause) a lot of air pollution. In fact, air pollution causes one of the most series problems in worldwide. After industrial period, people started to using machine to push the development of their countries. These efficient
5、 machines can make some negative gases which can disturb biology and food chain (表述不当，可改为 exerts negative impact on the environments and natural habitants). For example, London was the centre of that period. It had thousands of factories in total. There wasted gases were full of city and polluted wa
6、ter was pour up into rivers. So, hazy weather took control of this industrial city where the people suffered from its hurt. Its clearly (be 动词后用形容词作表语，改为 clear) that development also has some disadvantages.The other point is this (同前一段首，可使用 In addition to that), the improvement of science can make d
7、iverse struggles. In our world, every country wants to be power (使用形容词作表语，改为 powerful). So, there were too many wars in the past 100 years. During the Second World War, people around the world suffered from death. Many guns and tanks damaged schools, hospital and other interesting places. Finally, t
8、he USA used unclear power to defect (用词错误，改为defeat) Japanese. Since that war, Japan has been affected by unclear energys disadvantages. Its clearly seen the development in science still has negative influences.To sum up, science improvement has positive and negative effects. So, people should clam (
9、calm) down and make these technologies under control of. Its clearly (同前，应观改为 clear) that people in public have to know their disadvantages and try their best to avoid keeping them.总评 5.0 (TR5.0 CC5.5 GRA5.0 LR4.5)1. 语法问题较为集中，主要在于词性问题。2. 链接手段有效。3. 词汇的使用有较大的问题。词不达意的情况有些多。4. 内容上，对于观点的论述相对较少，而对于例子的描述太多。建议练习使用剪短的语言讲清楚例子，而把较多的比重放在解释上。对于二战的描写范例：For example, the influence of nuclear attack in Japan is still lasting and causing unintended effects even after about 60 years. Hence, we can see that the abuse of technology could cause huge damage.5. 句法变化相对较少，建议练习从句的使用。
