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1、 批改 By Will本次批改严格按照 ILETS 大作文评分标准进行。ILETS 大作文评分项：TR (论证扣题度), CC (连贯性及一致性), GRA (语法范围及精准度), LR (词汇资源)。文末会进行总评及打分。文中标识：用词不当 逻辑错误 语法错误 修改添加Test 2环境类 (简单生活方式和科技谁能解决环境问题)Environmental problems become ( (这里使用这里使用现在完成时现在完成时 hashas becomebecome 从意思上更加恰当从意思上更加恰当) ) a lot point ( (用词不当，可改成用词不当，可改成 majormajor
2、concern)concern) in the world now. Many people suffer from more serious hazy (hazard)(hazard) in many cities because of individual development in technology. ( (不是由于科技发展，不是由于科技发展，而是而是科技发展所带来的污染科技发展所带来的污染等等。可改为等等。可改为“the“the negativenegative externalitiesexternalities ofof techtech development”)devel
3、opment”) Subsequently Some people believe that the measure of ( (句意不通顺，改为句意不通顺，改为 toto tackle)tackle) these problems is keeping a simply lifestyle. In my opinion, this solution can not deal with each struggles and I suggest that technology can solve these problems. There are some reasons to explain
4、to it. ( (改进用词：改进用词：TheThe reasoningsreasonings areare listedlisted below.)below.)First and for most, technology bring new stuff with the rate of economy and the development of advanced science; people in the public pay more attention to these aspects. Advanced technology can help people to keep fit
5、 and make machines (to)(to) deal with some difficulties. For example, air machine ( (用词不准，可改为用词不准，可改为 airair conditioningconditioning system)system) can help people to accelerate the speed of air and enhance circulate ( (词性错误，应当词性错误，应当使用名词作为使用名词作为 enhanceenhance 的宾语，的宾语，改为改为circulation)circulation)
6、of fresh air. This science can solve air pollution in a range. If the nation starts to keeping a simple lifestyle, it will spend a long time reducing these environmental pollutions. So, it is clear that technology is better than keeping a simple way of life. ( (句意不对，应当是句意不对，应当是“使用科技本身可以减少污染，并不用减少使用科
7、技使用科技本身可以减少污染，并不用减少使用科技” ，可改为：，可改为：Hence,Hence, a a moremore effectiveeffective alternativealternative toto notnot usingusing technologiestechnologies mightmight wellwell bebe technologytechnology itself.)itself.)In addition, people can not live without technology ( (人们不是离开科技就没法活，而是人们不是离开科技就没法活，而是太习
8、惯太习惯于这种便捷不愿意抛弃于这种便捷不愿意抛弃。可改为：。可改为：areare tootoo usedused toto thethe convenienceconvenience technologytechnology brings.)brings.). Nowadays, advanced sciences become ( (用现在完成时更恰当，用现在完成时更恰当，hashas become)become) a part of humans life. It is necessary for people to stay in a high level (of(of lifelife
9、 quality)quality). If factories closed, people will lost energy to keep our basic life level. It is obvious that people accept a simple lifestyle is not a wise idea. ( (这里的解释跳跃性太强，最好先说科技关系到生活的哪些层面，比如这里的解释跳跃性太强，最好先说科技关系到生活的哪些层面，比如发电，然后再说因此我们不能放弃它。例：发电，然后再说因此我们不能放弃它。例：TechnologyTechnology areare close
10、lyclosely relatedrelated toto ourour basicbasic needs,needs, andand isis hencehence hashas mademade itselfitself impossibleimpossible toto discard.discard. ForFor example,example, ourour mainmain energyenergy sourcessources includingincluding electricity.)electricity.)To conclude, the world changes
11、so fast, it must bring some negative effects during making positive effects ( (用词改进用词改进: : somesome negativenegative externalitiesexternalities areare thethe necessarynecessary priceprice wewe havehave toto paypay forfor thethe rapidrapid development)development), (and)(and) reducing the pollution i
12、s a long distance for people to face. Constantly taking control of advanced technology represents that people possess a key to defeat pollution.总评总评 5.55.5 (TR5.5(TR5.5 CC6.0CC6.0 GRAGRA 6.06.0 LRLR 5.0)5.0)1.1. 值得表扬的是语法上的错误基本没有了。可以开始慢慢练习再多添加从句的使用和更多句型的变化了。值得表扬的是语法上的错误基本没有了。可以开始慢慢练习再多添加从句的使用和更多句型的变化了。2.2. 词汇是弱项，词汇是弱项，词义不准仍旧时有出现词义不准仍旧时有出现。3.3. 内容上依旧建议你再多提一段反方的观点，可以放在结尾之前，例如内容上依旧建议你再多提一段反方的观点，可以放在结尾之前，例如本文中可以花一段承认一下环境本文中可以花一段承认一下环境问题的确严重问题的确严重。4.4. 连接词使用良好，连接词使用良好，从句链接却比较少见从句链接却比较少见。
