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1、 房山一模作文分析2017.4.5写作部分的数据（满分35）总分情景作文应用文全区21分12分9分本校24分14分10分11班28分16分12分一、应用文阅卷情况及分析二、试卷中出现的问题三、如何提升一、阅卷情况及作文分析区里阅卷情况1. 时间紧；任务量大(2257)，但速度快2.老师的状态：眼花、背疼、脖子僵3.虽阅卷前给老师强调书写不要影响给分,但实际是 书写不规范影响老师的心情。 （一评6分,二评12分，仲裁11分）分数相差甚远主 要是书写造成的-字丑真失分。 为什么会差6分? 给6分的老师阅卷不认真？ -是你影响他情绪了，是你让老师主观了。5.老师给分心态：中庸 ，高分作文少如何让老师
2、给分不中庸?漂亮的字+高质量的文。好文是不会被埋没的。4.分差在2分内取平均值,差3分以上要仲裁假设你是红星中学高三学生李华。你的美国朋友Jim要来北京旅游，他写信寻 求你对旅游地的建议，请你给他写封回信，内容包括： 1.景点名称； 2.参观内容； 3.推荐理由。 注意：1.词数不少于50；2.开头和结尾已给出，不计入总词数。 Dear Jim, _ _ _ Yours, Li Hua应用文应用文应用文 应用文的功能主要是应用与交际,把内容 交代清楚即可,不要满篇的高大上的大 词、长句。要长短结合，有抑扬顿挫的 感觉，让读者（阅卷老师）感到舒服,篇 幅不要太长。写的时候脑子里要想着我 们平时写
3、作课中老师总强调的语法、词 法、句法与章法。老师是如何给分的一、评分原则：1.要看文章的内容和语言质量 。要考虑内容是否完整，逻辑条理 是否清楚。2.要考虑交际是否得体，语言是否准确。3.拼写、标点或书写影响内容表达时，要适当扣分。 二、本作文的内容要点：1.景点名称（首先，必须是北京的地方，北京要有此地。 英文拼写要正确，有英文不能用拼音）写多个地方也可以。2.参观内容（做点儿什么？）3.推荐理由（为什么不去别的地方？此地有何特殊之处？ ）二、我们的问题2.书写潦草，卷面不整(个别)3.审题不清，要点不 突出(参观内容不明显)4.Ch-English 表达不准确，影响理解5.词汇贫乏，句式单
4、一 6. 有低级错误(拼写,用词不准,词性用错) 7.句子意识差,造成语法错误1.篇幅太短，显得写作能力差我们的目标：一档文(1315分)要体现出我们较强的语言运用能力。 文中要运用多样的句式和丰富的词汇。学语 法不只是为了做单项填空,作文中要有体现。 文中可以有个别错误，但是为了表达丰富的 内容所致。*词汇要丰富 句式要多样* One Possible Version(2)134 wordsPossible Version(1)Dear Jim,Glad to hear that you are coming. As for the scenery spot, I do think the
5、Badaling Great Wall is a perfect choice, which is in Yanqing District in Beijing. As is known, the Great Wall is one of the seven wonders in the world. You can go there by bus or take a train. While climbing up the Great Wall, you can enjoy breath-taking sceneries and splendid towers. Surely, you ar
6、e a true man!Looking forward to your arrival!Yours,Li Hua80 Words _分？二档文（9-12分）所用语法和词汇达到了任务的要求。 运用的句式和词汇能满足任务要求。语法和 用词基本准确，少许错误主要为尽可能表达 丰富的内容所致。怎样二档升一档？三、如何提升（练、改、研、背 ）1.练-写作能力是练出来。练什么?1)练练字(来得及) 2)用上一两个高级词汇 3)用上一两个从句 4)用上一两个非谓语动词 5)用上一两个动词短语 6)用上个介词 7)用上个独立主格结构 8)用上个it的用法 9)用上个被动语态2.改改范文。反复改,改到满意为止
7、 (重质量但也要有一定的数量)3.研研究优秀范文（好在哪里?)4.背背范文。(分类背-各种信件、 邮件等) eg.改范文把下面273字的范文成150字左 右。Dear Jim,I heard that you are coming to Beijing, which is an extremely smart decision. As your close friend, Im really glad to give you some advice.I do think the Great Wall is a perfect choice. As is known to all, the Gr
8、eat Wall is one of the seven wonders in the world. It was first built in the ancient dynasties and rebuilt in the modern times. It is the pride and honor of the Chinese people.People will usually choose to visit the Badaling Great Wall in Yanqing district, in the northwest of the capital city. As it
9、 is a little far away from the city center, you may go there either by bus or train. Arriving at the foot of the Great Wall, you can first take some photos at the large square with a symbolic monument carved with the Chinese characters for the Badaling Great Wall, very impressive. Then you may start
10、 your climbing , which is kind of tiring and energy-consuming. However, along the way, you may enjoy the breath-taking sceneries, enormous monuments full of culture, and splendid beacon towers, which will surely fulfill your journey with unimaginable joy and excitement. Averagely, it will take you t
11、wo hours to get to the top, where you will have a great sense of achievement.Just as the saying goes, “He who does not reach the Great Wall is not a true man”. The Great Wall is the treasure of our country, and one of the most important and representative sightseeing of Beijing. It is, of course, a must- see place for you! You cant miss it! Just come and enjoy yourself! Yours, Li Hua
