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1、它们是从美国直接带过来的它们是从美国直接带过来的Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the o
2、ld lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. “Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America.“ 它们是从美国直接带来的它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银 行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。 这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些 钞票。这都是
3、真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。 ”英语幽默小故事：ReminderIn the veterinary office where I'm a technician, we mail out reminders when pets are due for vaccinations. Bruno, a German shepherd, arrived for his annual rabies shot, and we were required by state law to ask his owner if Bruno had bitten anyone in the last t
4、en days. “Oh yes, in fact that's why we're here,“ she replied. Surprised, I told her we assumed they'd come in because of our reminder. “We did,“ she explained. “Bruno bit the mail carrier who was delivering your card.“ 催 单我是一家兽医站的技师。当动物到了该注射疫苗的时候，我们就寄出催单。一条德国物质牧羊犬布鲁诺来做每年一次的狂犬疫苗注射。我们依照州法
5、律的要求询问他的主人，在过去的十天里布鲁诺是否咬了什么人。“噢，是的。事实上这正是我们到这儿来的原因，”她回答说。我觉得奇怪，告诉她我们以为他们是因为收到了我们的催单才来的。 “的确如此，”她解释道。“布鲁诺咬了给你们送催单的邮递员。” 英语幽默小故事：Tcreative Applying for my first job, I realized I had to be creative in listing my few qualifications. Asked about additional schooling and training, I answered truthfully t
6、hat I had spent three years in computer programming classes. I got the job. 创 造 性 第一次求职时，我意识到在列举我所具备的为数不多的条件时，得有点创造性。当问 及我是否受过其它的培训时，我老实地回答说我花了三年时间学计算机程序设计课。我得 到了那份工作。 我没有提到那门功课我重复学了三年才考及格。英语幽默小故事：Three Surgeons Three famous surgeons were bragging about their skills. “A man came to me who had his ha
7、nd cut off,“ said one. “Today that man is a concert violinist.“ “That's nothing,“ said another. “A guy came to me who had his legs cut off. I stitched them back on, and today that man is a marathon runner.“ “I can top both of you,“ said the third. “One day I came on the scene of a terrible accid
8、ent. There was nothing left but a horse's posterior - and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in United States Senate.“ 三个外科医生 三个有名的外科医生正在吹嘘他们的技术。 “一个人断了一只手，他来找我， ”一个说， “如今那个人是个音乐会的小提琴手。 ” “这算不了什么， ”另一个说。 “一个家伙两条腿断了，他来找我，我将它们接了回去。如 今，那人是马拉松选手。 ” “我比你们两个都强， ”第三个说， “一天，我碰到一起可怕的车祸。除了一个马屁股，
9、和一幅眼睛，什么都没有留下。如今，那人坐在美国参议见面应该先问姓，便操着四川口音说：我姓邓 （washington） ， 美国老记认为这个问题太简单，便又说：请shopping） ， 老八十（bus） ，老记哗（李登辉） ， 老记再次哗然，这么敏感的政治问题也回答老记又问：请问快要来了， 便抓紧时间问最后一个问题：您觉得 2识趣，没完没了的问个不停， 沉下脸反问道：啥子（SAthe kid.A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Ev
10、erybody else is in their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,'Get the kid.' 这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有 65 岁的话，千万别进退休社区。 因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就 叫喊，“让小的干吧。”谁在打架谁在打架Mother: Freddie, why is your face so red? Freddie: I was running up the st
11、reet to stop a fight. Mother: That's a very nice thing to do. Who was fighting? Freddie: Me and Jackie Smith. 妈妈：弗雷迪，你的脸为什么那么红？ 弗雷迪：我刚才在大街上跑，为的是阻止一次打架？ 妈妈：你做的对，谁和谁在打架。 弗雷迪：我和杰克·史密斯。 向主保密向主保密A distinguished clergyman and the elders from his congregation attended an out-of-town meeting that d
12、id not finish until rather late. They decided to have something to eat before goint home, but unfortunately the only spot open was a seedy bar-and-grill with a questionable reputation. After being served, one of the elders asked the clergyman to say grace. 'I'd rather not,', the clergyma
13、n said, ' I don't want Him to know I'm here.' 一位著名牧师和他教区的几位老人出席城外会议直到天黑才开完会，他们打算在 回家前吃点东西。但很不巧只有一家名声不好的下等酒吧烤菜馆开着门。 饭后，一位老人要牧师祈祷。“我想我是免了，”牧师说。“我不想让主知道我在这 里。”否则否则Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him? Jack: Certainly. Tom: And
14、 why? Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me. 汤姆：威廉向我借五英镑。我该不该借给他？杰克：当然应该了。汤姆：为什么？ 杰克：否则他就该跟我借了。心不在焉的丈夫心不在焉的丈夫I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case. It was locked, a
15、nd the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination . At last he succeeded. 'Why are you so nervous?' I asked him. 'The numbers are the date of our anniversary.' my usband confessed. 我陪丈夫一起出差，他带着他的手提式计算机。机场出口处检查员要他打开包。 他耐心的等着我那窘迫的丈夫设法回想起暗锁的密码。最后他终于想起来了。“你为什么那么紧张呢？”我问他。“这密码是我们结婚纪念日。”他承认道。还是太贵还是太贵It is still too muchAn old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and ask
