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1、精品文档2016 全新精品资料-全新公文范文-全程指导写作 独家原创 1 / 33解密爱情与出轨解密爱情与出轨id like to talk today about the two biggest social trends in the coming century, and perhaps in the next 10,000 years. but i want to start with my work on romantic love, because thats my most recent work. what i and my colleagues did was put 32
2、people, who were madly in love, into a functional mri brain scanner. 17 who were madly in love and their love was accepted; and 15 who were madly in love and they had just been dumped. and so i want to tell you about that first, and then go on into where i think love is going.“what tis to love?“ sha
3、kespeare said. i think our ancestors - i think human beings have been wondering about this question since they sat around their campfires or lay and watched the stars a million years ago. i started out by trying to figure out what romantic love was by looking at the last 45 years of research on - ju
4、st the psychological research - and as it turns out, theres a very specific group of things that happen when you fall in love. the first thing that happens 精品文档2016 全新精品资料-全新公文范文-全程指导写作 独家原创 2 / 33is what i call - a person begins to take on what i call, “special meaning.“ as a truck driver once said
5、 to me, he said, “the world had a new center, and that center was mary anne.“george bernard shaw said it a little differently. he said, “love consists of overestimating the differences between one woman and another.“ and indeed, thats what we do. (laughter) and then you just focus on this person. yo
6、u can list what you dont like about them, but then you sweep that aside and focus on what you do. as chaucer said, “love is blind.“in trying to understand romantic love, i decided i would read poetry from all over the world, and i just want to give you one very short poem from eighth-century china,
7、because its an almost perfect example of a man who is focused totally on a particular woman. its a little bit like when you are madly in love with somebody and you walk into a parking lot - their car is different from every other car in the parking lot. their wine glass at dinner is different from e
8、very other wine glass at 精品文档2016 全新精品资料-全新公文范文-全程指导写作 独家原创 3 / 33the dinner party. and in this case, a man got hooked on a bamboo sleeping mat.and it goes like this. its by a guy called yuan chen: “i cannot bear to put away the bamboo sleeping mat. the night i brought you home, i watched you roll i
9、t out.“ he became hooked on a sleeping mat, probably because of elevated activity of dopamine in his brain, just like with you and me. but anyway, not only does this person take on special meaning, you focus your attention on them. you aggrandize them. but you have intense energy. as one polynesian
10、said, he said, “i felt like jumping in the sky.“ youre up all night. youre walking till dawn. you feel intense elation when things are going well; mood swings into horrible despair when things are going poorly. real dependence on this person. as one businessman in new york said to me, he said, “anyt
11、hing she liked, i liked.“ simple. romantic love is very simple.you become extremely sexually possessive. you know, if youre just sleeping with somebody casually, you dont really care if theyre sleeping 精品文档2016 全新精品资料-全新公文范文-全程指导写作 独家原创 4 / 33with somebody else. but the moment you fall in love, you
12、become extremely sexually possessive of them. i think that that is a darwinian - theres a darwinian purpose to this. the whole point of this is to pull two people together strongly enough to begin to rear babies as a team.but the main characteristics of romantic love are craving: an intense craving
13、to be with a particular person, not just sexually, but emotionally. youd much rather - it would be nice to go to bed with them, but you want them to call you on the telephone, to invite you out, etc., to tell you that they love you. the other main characteristic is motivation. the motor in your brai
14、n begins to crank, and you want this person.and last but not least, it is an obsession. when i put these people in the machine, before i put them in the mri machine, i would ask them all kinds of questions. but my most important question was always the same. it was: “what percentage of the day and n
15、ight do you think about this person?“ and indeed, they would say, “all day. all night. i 精品文档2016 全新精品资料-全新公文范文-全程指导写作 独家原创 5 / 33can never stop thinking about him or her.“and then, the very last question i would ask them - i would always have to work myself up to this question, because i am not a psychologist. i dont work with people in any kind of traumatic situation. and my final question was always the same. i would say, “would you die for him or her?“ and, indeed, these people would say “yes!“ as if i had asked the
