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1、theFALSECOLLARtherewasonceafinegentleman,allofwhosemoveableswereaboot-jackandahair-comb:buthehadthefinestfalsecollarsintheworld;anditisaboutoneofthesecollarsthatwearenowtohearastory.Itwassoold,thatitbegantothinkofmarriage;andithappenedthatitcametobewashedincompanywithagarter.“Nay!”saidthecollar. “In
2、everdidseeanythingsoslenderandsofine,sosoftandsoneat.MayInotaskyourname?”“ThatIshallnottellyou!”saidthegarter.“Wheredoyoulive?”askedthecollar.Butthegarterwassobashful,somodest,andthoughtitwasastrangequestiontoanswer.“Youarecertainlyagirdle,”saidthecollar; “thatistosayaninsidegirdle.Iseewellthatyouar
3、ebothforuseandornament,mydearyounglady.”“Iwillthankyounottospeaktome,”saidthegarter. “IthinkIhavenotgiventheleastoccasionforit.”“Yes!Whenoneisashandsomeasyou,”saidthecollar, “thatisoccasionenough.”“Dontcomesonearme,Ibegofyou!”saidthegarter. “Youlooksomuchlikethosemen-folks.”“Iamalsoafinegentleman,”s
4、aidthecollar. “Ihaveabootjackandahair-comb.”Butthatwasnottrue,foritwashismasterwhohadthem:butheboasted.“Dontcomesonearme,”saidthegarter: “Iamnotaccustomedtoit.”“Prude!”exclaimedthecollar;andthenitwastakenoutofthewashing-tub.Itwasstarched,hungoverthebackofachairinthesunshine,andwasthenlaidontheironin
5、g-blanket;thencamethewarmbox-iron. “Dearlady!”saidthecollar. “Dearwidow-lady!Ifeelquitehot.Iamquitechanged.Ibegintounfoldmyself.Youwillburnaholeinme.Oh!Iofferyoumyhand.”“Rag!”saidthebox-iron;andwentproudlyoverthecollar:forshefanciedshewasasteam-engine,thatwouldgoontherailroadanddrawthewaggons.“Rag!”
6、saidthebox-iron.thecollarwasalittlejaggedattheedge,andsocamethelongscissorstocutoffthejaggedpart. “Oh!”saidthecollar. “Youarecertainlythefirstoperadancer.Howwellyoucanstretchyourlegsout!ItisthemostgracefulperformanceIhaveeverseen.Noonecanimitateyou.”“Iknowit,”saidthescissors.“Youdeservetobeabaroness
7、,”saidthecollar. “AllthatIhaveisafinegentleman,aboot-jack,andahair-comb.IfIonlyhadthebarony!”“Doyouseekmyhand?”saidthescissors;forshewasangry;andwithoutmoreado,sheCUTHIM,andthenhewascondemned.“Ishallnowbeobligedtoaskthehair-comb.Itissurprisinghowwellyoupreserveyourteeth,Miss,”saidthecollar. “Haveyou
8、neverthoughtofbeingbetrothed?”“Yes,ofcourse!youmaybesureofthat,”saidthehair-comb. “IAMbetrothedtotheboot-jack!”“Betrothed!”exclaimedthecollar.Nowtherewasnoothertocourt,andsohedespisedit.Alongtimepassedaway,thenthecollarcameintotheragchestatthepapermill;therewasalargecompanyofrags,thefinebythemselves
9、,andthecoarsebythemselves,justasitshouldbe.Theyallhadmuchtosay,butthecollarthemost;forhewasarealboaster.“Ihavehadsuchanimmensenumberofsweethearts!”saidthecollar. “Icouldnotbeinpeace!Itistrue,Iwasalwaysafinestarched-upgentleman!Ihadbothaboot-jackandahair-comb,whichIneverused!Youshouldhaveseenmethen,y
10、oushouldhaveseenmewhenIlaydown!IshallneverforgetMYFIRSTLOVEshewasagirdle,sofine,sosoft,andsocharming,shethrewherselfintoatubofwaterformysake!Therewasalsoawidow,whobecameglowinghot,butIleftherstandingtillshegotblackagain;therewasalsothefirstoperadancer,shegavemethatcutwhichInowgowith,shewassoferociou
11、s!Myownhair-combwasinlovewithme,shelostallherteethfromtheheart-ache;yes,Ihavelivedtoseemuchofthatsortofthing;butIamextremelysorryforthegarterImeanthegirdlethatwentintothewater-tub.Ihavemuchonmyconscience,Iwanttobecomewhitepaper!”Anditbecameso,alltheragswereturnedintowhitepaper;butthecollarcametobeju
12、stthisverypieceofwhitepaperweheresee,andonwhichthestoryisprinted;andthatwasbecauseitboastedsoterriblyafterwardsofwhathadneverhappenedtoit.Itwouldbewellforustobeware,thatwemaynotactinasimilarmanner,forwecanneverknowifwemaynot,inthecourseoftime,alsocomeintotheragchest,andbemadeintowhitepaper,andthenha
13、veourwholelifeshistoryprintedonit,eventhemostsecret,andbeobligedtorunaboutandtellitourselves,justlikethiscollar.从前有一位漂亮的绅士;他所有的动产只是一个脱靴器和一把梳子。但他有一个世界上最好的衬衫领子。我们现在所要听到的就是关于这个领子的故事。衬衫领子的年纪已经很大,足够考虑结婚的问题。事又凑巧,他和袜带在一块儿混在水里洗。“我的天!”衬衫领子说,“我从来没有看到过这么苗条和细嫩、这么迷人和温柔的人儿。请问你尊姓大名?”“这个我可不能告诉你!”袜带说。“你府上在什么地方?”衬衫领子问。不过袜带是非常害羞的。要回答这样一个问题,她觉得非常困难。“我想你是一根腰带吧?”衬衫领子说“一种内衣的腰带!亲爱的小姐,我可以看出,你既有用,又可以做装饰品!”“你不应该跟我讲话!”袜带说。“我想,我没有给你任何理由这样做!”“咳,一个长得像你这样美丽的人儿,”衬衫领子说,“就是