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1、双语美文 爱的力量爱对你的情绪和身体来说，跟氧气一样重要。这点无需置疑。你和别人关系越紧密，就会越健康，不仅在身体上情绪方面也是如此。而如果与别人越疏离，对健康的威胁就会越大。同样，你拥有的爱越少，在你的一生中更可能经历抑郁。爱，可能是的抗抑郁药，因为陷入抑郁最重要的原因之一就是感觉没人爱。大多数抑郁的人不爱自己，也感觉不到有人爱他们。他们还总是把注意力集中在自己身上，这大大降低了他们的吸引力，也使得那些让他们学会去爱的机会白白溜走。Love is as critical for your mind and body as oxygen. Its not negotiable. The mor
2、e connected you are, the healthier you will be both physically and emotionally. The less connected you are, the more you are at risk.It is also true that the less love you have, the more depression you are likely to experience in your life. Love is probably the best antidepressant there is because o
3、ne of the most common sources of depression is feeling unloved. Most depressed people dont love themselves and they do not feel loved by others. They also are very self-focused, making them less attractive to others and depriving them of opportunities to learn the skills of love.There is a mythology
4、 in our culture that love just happens. As a result, the depressed often sit around passively waiting for someone to love them. But love doesnt work that way. To get love and keep love you have to go out and be active and learn a variety of specific skills.Most of us get our ideas of love from popul
5、ar culture. We come to believe that love is something that sweeps us off our feet. But the pop-culture ideal of love consists of unrealistic images created for entertainment, which is one reason so many of us are set up to be depressed. Its part of our national vulnerability, like eating junk food,
6、constantly stimulated by images of instant gratification. We think it is love when its simply distraction and infatuation.One consequence is that when we hit real love we become upset and disappointed because there are many things that do not fit the cultural ideal. Some of us get demanding and cont
7、rolling, wanting someone else to do what we think our ideal of romance should be, without realizing our ideal is misplaced.It is not only possible but necessary to change ones approach to love to ward off depression. Follow these action strategies to get more of what you want out of lifeto love and
8、be loved.* Recognize the difference between limerance and love. Limerance is the psychological state of deep infatuation. It feels good but rarely lasts. Limerance is that first stage of mad attraction whereby all the hormones are flowing and things feel so right. Limerance lasts, on average, six mo
9、nths. It can progress to love. Love mostly starts out as limerance, but limerance doesnt always evolve into love.* Know that love is a learned skill, not something that comes from hormones or emotion particularly. Erich Fromm called it an act of will. If you dont learn the skills of love you virtual
10、ly guarantee that you will be depressed, not only because you will not be connected enough but because you will have many failure experiences.* Learn good communication skills. They are a means by which you develop trust and intensify connection. The more you can communicate the less depressed you w
11、ill be because you will feel known and understood.There are always core differences between two people, no matter how good or close you are, and if the relationship is going right those differences surface. The issue then is to identify the differences and negotiate them so that they dont distance y
12、ou or kill the relationship.You do that by understanding where the other person is coming from, who that person is, and by being able to represent yourself. When the differences are known you must be able to negotiate and compromise on them until you find a common ground that works for both.Focus on
13、 the other person. Rather than focus on what you are getting and how you are being treated, read your partners need. What does this person really need for his/her own well-being? This is a very tough skill for people to learn in our narcissistic culture. Of course, you dont lose yourself in the proc
14、ess; you make sure youre also doing enough self-care. Help someone else. Depression keeps people so focused on themselves they dont get outside themselves enough to be able to learn to love. The more you can focus on others and learn to respond and meet their needs, the better you are going to do in
15、 love. Develop the ability to accommodate simultaneous reality. The loved ones reality is as important as your own, and you need to be as aware of it as of your own. What are they really saying, what are they really needing? Depressed people think the only reality is their own depressed reality. Act
16、ively dispute your internal messages of inadequacy. Sensitivity to rejection is a cardinal feature of depression. As a consequence of low self-esteem, every relationship blip is interpreted far too personally as evidence of inadequacy. Quick to feel rejected by a partner, you then believe it is the treatment you fundamentally deserve. But the rejection really originates in you, and the feelings of inadequacy are the depression speaking.Recognize tha
