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1、美文精选：甜蜜爱情的十大禁忌 Ways We Hurt Our Romantic RelationshipsIts not easy to have a great relationship with your boy/girlfriend, partner, or spouse. But its not impossible, either it takes some work, of course, but its work, work thats a joy when everything comes together.A lot of times, though, the work i
2、snt enough. We get in our own way with ideas and attitudes about relationships that are not only wrong, but often work to undermine our relationships no matter how hard we work at it.Ive watched a lot of breakups (some of them my own). Ive seen dramatic flare-ups and drawn-out slow fades, and Ive tr
3、ied to pay attention to what seems to be going on. Here are a few of the things Ive seen that cause people to destroy their own relationships.1. Youre playing to winOne of the deadliest killers of relationships is the competitive urge. I dont mean competition in the sense that you cant stand to lose
4、 at tennis, I mean the attitude that the relationship itself is a kind of game that youre tying to win. People in competitive relationships are always looking for an advantage, the upper hand, some edge they can hold over their partners head. If you feel that there are things you cant tell your part
5、ner because she or he will use it against you, youre in a competitive relationship but not for long.2. You dont trustThere are two aspects of trust that are important in relationships. One is trusting your partner enough to know that s/he wont cheat on you or otherwise hurt you and to know that he o
6、r she trusts you that way, too. The other is trusting them enough to know they wont leave you or stop loving you no matter what you do or say. The second that level of trust is gone, whether because one of you takes advantage of that trust and does something horrible or because one of you thinks the
7、 other has, the relationship is over even if it takes more years for you to break up.3. You dont talkToo many people hold their tongues about things that bother or upset them in their relationship, either because they dont want to hurt their partner, or because theyre trying to win. (See #1 above; e
8、xample: “If you dont know why Im mad, Im certainly not going to tell you!”) While this might make things easier in the short term, in the long run it gradually erodes the foundation of the relationship away. Little issues grow into bigger and bigger problems problems that dont get fixed because your
9、 partner is blissfully unaware, or worse, is totally aware of them but thinks they dont really bother you. Ultimately, keeping quiet reflects a lack of trust and, as I said thats the death of a relationship.4. You dont listenListening really listening is hard. Its normal to want to defend ourselves
10、when we hear something that seems like criticism, so instead of really hearing someone out, we interrupt to explain or excuse ourselves, or we turn inward to prepare our defense. But your partner deserves your active listening. S/he even deserves you to hear the between-the-lines content of daily ch
11、it-chat, to suss out his/her dreams and desires when even s/he doesnt even know exactly what they are. If you cant listen that way, at least to the person you love, theres a problem.5. You spend like a single personThis was a hard lesson for me to learn until it broke up a 7-year relationship. When
12、youre single, you can buy whatever you want, whenever you want, with little regard for the future. Its not necessarily wise, but youre the only one who has to pay the consequences. When you are with someone in a long-term relationship, that is no longer a possibility. Your partner and your children,
13、 if there are or will be any will have to bear the brunt of your spending, so youd better get in the habit of taking care of household necessities first and then, if theres anything left over, of discussing with your partner the best way to use it.This is an increasing problem these days, because mo
14、re and more people are opting to keep their finances separate, even when theyre married. Theres nothing wrong with that kind of arrangement in and of itself, but it demands more communication and involvement between the partners, not less. If youre spending money as if it was your money and nobody e
15、lse has a right to tell you what to do with it, your relationship is doomed.6. Youre afraid of breaking upNobody in a truly happy partnership is afraid of breaking up. If you are, thats a big warning sign that somethings wrong. But often, whats wrong is the fear itself. Not only does it betray a lac
16、k of trust, but it shows a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem youre afraid that theres no good reason for someone to want to be with you, and that sooner or later your partner will “wise up” and take off. So you pour more energy into keeping up the appearance of a happy relationships than you do into building yourself up as a person. Quite frankly, this isnt going to be very satisfying
