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1、安徽省巢湖市春晖中学2020届高考英语考前冲刺精品讲义外教旁批写作（十六）去年寒假我同父亲去乡下看望奶奶，我多年未回家乡，看到那儿发生了很大的变化。这次故乡之行使我学到了不少东西。我打算今后每两年回去一次。学生习作外教批改During my last winter holiday，I went to the1countryside with my father to visit mygrandma with_my_father.2I found a_large_change great changes there.The first time I came_back3 returned，the
2、yare_live4 were all living in dirty homes with dogs and ducks and any5 otheanimals.Now，6 But last winter when I returned, they hada_big_house_to_birth_chickens.7 They also have8 had some polesin_which_it_has9_some_fish fishponds.Every year，they sell it_and_have the fish for alot of money.A lot of vi
3、llagers in my grandmas village have10 had twostoreyed houses，evidencingthat their life11 lives becoming better_and_better12 had improved.I felt very happy.During my trip，I found they_are13 all the villagers friendly and hardworking.I thinkthese characteristics are worth of learning.At the end of my
4、trip，I told my father that I had_planned14 that_I_would_come_backplanned to return every two years.He admitted15 agreed that it was a good idea., 旁批1country或countryside前要加定冠词the。2注意词序。要保证你的句子不会产生歧义。原句的意思是你拜访与你父亲住在一起的祖母。3如果用come，就表示作者写此文时仍在家乡。4原句中的they are live是一个常见的错误，不符合英语的语法。这里应该用过去进行时态。5你不是在说明数量，
5、所以不必用any。6不是现在(now)，是去年冬天(last winter)。7这句的意思很不清楚，所以无法进行修改。“他们有一幢大的房子养鸡”还是“他们造了一间很大的鸡舍让鸡住”？8注意保持时态一致！9这不是英语，是按中文字面翻译的。参见改写后的句子。10虽然这个情况可能现在仍是真实的，但故事发生在去年冬天，所以要用过去时态。11你谈到的是村民们，而不只是一个人，所以life需要用复数形式。12使用更直接的语言。improve比better and better更好。高中水平还使用better and better这个词组不合适。13改写后使宾语更清楚。动词find的结构是：find som
6、eone形容词。14如果用过去完成时态(had planned)就意味着作者不再打算这样做了。这里的打算发生在告诉父亲的同时，所以只要用一般过去时态即可。15在这里用admit不正确。它的意思是不情愿地同意某事是真实的。参见改写后的句子。虽然文章组织得当，题目要求也都在内容中体现出来，但词汇量不足以及时态的混淆降低了作文的等级。为避免这些错误，写你知道的东西。如果你不知道表达某种观点的词汇，就不要提到它。想想其他可写的东西。例如在这篇作文中，作者不应该提到池塘和鸡舍，因为他/她不清楚这些词的英文表达。他应该挑自己熟悉的东西写，或者写一些更平常的东西。高分作文秘诀之九：使用恰当的过渡语。例如：表
7、示转折关系的过渡语：however，nevertheless，on the other hand，on the contrary，conversely表示递进关系的过渡语：in addition，besides，moreover，furthermore，whats more，whats worse，to make matters worse，the most important of all，worst of all，especially，in particular，on top of that表示结果关系的过渡语：therefore，thus，consequently，as a result
8、，thats why.表示顺序关系的过渡语：firstly，secondly，thirdly，lastly/finally/eventually，last but not least，to begin with，after that，meanwhile表示总结的过渡语：in conclusion，in brief，in short，in a word，on the whole，to sum up表示个人观点的过渡语：in my opinion，as far as Im concerned，personally，as for me，to be frank表示他人观点的过渡语：It is wide
9、ly accepted that.；A commonly held idea is that.；It is taken for granted that.最近，你和父母回到家乡。你看到了家乡新建的一所学校，发现它与影集中父亲的母校的照片有很大的差别。请你根据下面的一组图画，描述这两所学校的不同情况，并谈谈你的感想。注意：1词数120左右；2可以适当增加细节，以使行文连贯。参考范文：The two pictures show how greatly my fathers hometown has changed in the past twenty years.In the past，my fa
10、thers school was a big yard with a row of old houses.There was a flag pole standing alone in the yard.Several trees were planted around the houses.There was little sports equipment in it.The new school in my fathers hometown consists of a tall building and a large playground.All kinds of sports facilities can be seen on the playground.With trees and flowers in the school yard，it looks like a big garden.It is clear that the living conditions in our country have changed greatly and so has childrens learning environment.
